


Bulletproof

by TheOrgasmicSeke



Series: The Destruction and Resurrection of Armin Arlert [4]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Blood and Gore, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Happy Ending, Jearmin - Freeform, M/M, Minor Character Death, heartbreaking memories, in which the author does more to rip your heart out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-19
Updated: 2014-04-22
Packaged: 2018-01-16 06:43:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 26,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1335844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOrgasmicSeke/pseuds/TheOrgasmicSeke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reunited with childhood friends, Armin adjusts to live within the walls. But memories and nightmares haunt him everywhere he goes. No matter who is around him, He can not forget that Jean is gone and he can not move on. Luckily for him, He doesn't have to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Butterfly

**Author's Note:**

> Alright so, Because I've come to realize this part is going to be extremely long, I've decided to upload in chapters. This will be the last part to my Zombie AU series.
> 
> Also, I've decided what is going to happen and how it is going to end. And I've come to decide that this will not end up Eremin. Even if this chapter... Seems to lead in that direction. I can promise you and assure you that this story will be Jearmin and remain that way. How you ask? Just wait and read.
> 
> Warnings: A few. Blood and gore. Male/Male. There will be some sexual content. Language as well cause Eren has a naughty mouth sometimes. That's all I can think of right now. 
> 
> Tags will be added with each chapter.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own them. But I own this story and the universe I've created.
> 
> BE SURE TO READ "TAKE MY HAND", "THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY" AND "SAFE AND SOUND" BEFORE READING THIS. OTHERWISE IT MAY NOT MAKE ANY SENSE.
> 
> Thank you. Enjoy!

My breath was caught in my throat until the pressure in my chest made me gasp for air. Those dark eyes that glistened at me with tears made a sob catch in my throat as I wasted no time in reached out a hand to her. Mikasa took my offered hand before she pressed into my side, wrapping one arm around my back while the other went around Eren. I could feel Eren shaking in our grasps so I tightened my arms around the both of them. They were real. They were solid. It was impossible. Completely impossible. But there they were. Alive, healthy and in my arms. I... I never thought it possible.

"Armin." Eren breathed softly, pulling back at the same time Mikasa did. Though she took a step backwards so Eren could meet my eyes, her hand grasped mine, entangling our fingers like she was afraid to let me go. But then all I saw was green. "I can't believe it's really you." His voice was cracked slightly as he brought his rough palms to grasp either side of my face. "We thought... Well we assumed..."

"I..." My voice caught in my throat and I coughed a few times, blinking away tears as I searched his eyes. They were different. Deeper, stronger, but they were swirling with so many different emotions that it made my head spin. Eren was different. He was tanner, sharper, his black hair was longer. He'd seen hell. They both had though it looked like Mikasa had handled it a little better. I swallowed hard and focused on the green. "I thought so about you two as well..."

Eren's lips twitched up into a soft smile, his calloused thumbs rubbing over my cheeks as he searched my eyes. "I'm glad we were all wrong."

"Yes, well, I'm glad you all found each other too." A voice I didn't recognize spoke and I glanced over to see three other soldiers standing around in my office. "But you see Doc, I believe I'm in some need of stitches here." The brunette removed the bloodied gauze on his arm to show the rather deep cut on his forearm. "So, you know, I don't want to interrupt cause that's cute as hell, but I kinda need you."

I let out a soft gasp and pulled away from the two of them. "Of course, My apologies." He swallowed hard and offered Eren and Mikasa a soft smile. "Wait for a bit?"

"Yea. We're in line after all." Eren's jabbed a thumb in Mikasa's direction. "She twisted her ankle." He gasped and suddenly turned to his beautiful sister and pushed her back to sit down on one of the beds in the room. "You're supposed to keep off this."

Mikasa just rolled her eyes and settled on the bed easily enough. "It's not that bad really." Her dark eyes shifted to me as she returned my soft smile. "You have patients, Doctor. I can wait." Eren nodded in agreement and sat down beside her.

I flashed the two of them a smile before hurrying over to tend to the brunette solider.

* * *

"Okay Mikasa." I smiled softly as I stood at the end of the bed where I had made her sit, taking my time in removing her unlaced boot. "What happened exactly?"

"As lame and pathetic as it sounds, I fell in a hole." She mumbled softly, watching me with glistening dark eyes.

I snorted softly. "I've done that plenty." I placed her boot on the floor as I cradled her foot in one hand gently while pressing into the flesh of her ankle softly. I glanced at her face, gauging for pain but she showed no signs of any. That didn't surprise me really. It was Mikasa after all. I felt around her bare foot and then her ankle once before before setting it down on the bed gingerly. "It's a little swollen. Nothing serious." I turned away to grab some bandages from a cabinet before returning to her. "Just be easy on it for the next few days." I instructed as I started to wrap her ankle to keep it from moving too much.

"Thanks, Armin." She said with a soft smile.

"You're really good at this doctor thing, huh?" Eren stated as he leaned on the edge of the bed beside Mikasa.

I shrugged slightly. "I'm learning as I go." I tapped Mikasa's foot softly when I finished and turned to return the left over bandages to the cabinet.

"Are you the only scouting legion doctor?" Mikasa asked softly as she shifted to tug her boot back on.

"Well, there's Krista. Though, she is considered just a nurse. She doesn't have any training like I do. Just instinct and care." I answered as I started to clean up the office from the few patients I had. "She learns fast. She handled it really well when we had to sear that Springer boys arm."

I gasped in soft surprise when my arm was grabbed and I was spun around to meet Eren's eyes. His lips were curled in a frown and his emerald eyes were a swirl of pain and... regret? "You healed Connie? Is he okay?"

I let out a soft breath and nodded, searching those intense eyes. This close and no longer in shock, I noticed the darkness under his eyes. "I was worried at first. I'd never done anything like that. But I pulled on what I knew and what I hoped would work and he's just fine. He lost a lot of blood though so he'll be in recovery for awhile. At the moment, only Sasha and Krista are allowed with him."

Eren visibly relaxed and before I knew it, his forehead pressed to my shoulder. I noticed then that he was indeed a good few inches taller than me. But he was hunched over most of the time so it was hard to notice. I raised my hand to grip his toned biceps softly and glanced over at Mikasa who just had a soft smile on her. "So, he'll live? He'll be okay?"

"Yes, Eren. Connie will be fine."

"Good." He breathed out a soft sigh, his hands shifting to grip my waist. "It was my fault." He mumbled softly.

A rock settled in the pit of my stomach. He was upset. Of course he was upset. I... understood that feeling all too well. I bit my lip and shifted one hand to rub his back gently. Approximately three years and he was still my best friend. I instinctively knew how to handle him. And that gave me a little hope. But also struck me with a little fear. "Why don't the two of you come back to my place. We can catch up."

Eren gave my neck a nuzzle before pulling away, giving my hips a squeeze as he searched my eyes, a faint smile on his lips. "Yea, that's a good idea."

I returned his soft smile and pulled out of his grasp politely. "I want to stop by Connie for a moment, to check up and then we can head home." I removed my white coat and hung it up in the small closet before closing the door and turned back to my friends. Mikasa was standing now, keeping her weight off her injured foot. Eren was at her side, worrying over her and it made me smile. "She'll be fine Eren." I pointed out, gaining his attention. A faint blush was on his tanned cheeks as he smiled sheepishly at me.

And that smile warmed my heart. It was the most familiar smile Eren had given me since we met again. That smile gave me hope. Just a bit, but enough. Because even though he had seen hell, he could still smile like everything was okay. And that meant more to me than I could ever express. It wasn't until that exact moment that I realized how much I missed them. I didn't _need_ then to survive but having them near me was nice. I couldn't help but wonder if things would have ended differently if I had spent this hell with Eren and Mikasa.

"Armin?" Eren spoke my name softly, his head tilted and his expression worried as he grasped my shoulders gently. "You alright? You look upset."

I blinked a few times, realizing there were tears there before shaking my head and forcing them down. "Ah, I'm fine." I forced a smile. "Just being sentimental is all."

Eren narrowed his eyes slightly, giving my shoulders a rub before he released me. "If you say so." He glanced to Mikasa who was now at his side, standing perfectly fine though she was keeping her weight off her injured foot.

I nodded, giving them both a soft smile before moving toward the door, motioning for them to follow. "Why don't you two go wait outside? So Mikasa doesn't have to walk any farther than she needs to." I pointed out as we left my office.

They glanced between each other before Mikasa smiled and reached forward to rub my arm. "You and Eren go. I'll wait outside." And with that she spun on her heel and walked down the hallway, limping slightly.

I watched her for a moment before glancing at Eren whose vibrantly green orbs were on me. "I, shouldn't you go with her?"

"Mikasa's completely capable of taking care of herself. Besides," A sly grin came to his full lips, "I just got you back. Don't think I'm going to let you out of my sight any time soon."

My heart thumped at his words and I glanced away, turning to walk down the hallway to hide my face from him. "It's not like I'm going anywhere, Eren."

"I know that." He stepped up beside me, flashing that grin I knew all too well. "But I'm pretty sentimental right now too, okay? I mean, I missed you Armin." He pressed against my side, slipping an arm around my shoulders to hug me as we walked. It was a normal embrace for us. Even if it had been three years, Eren acted as if those years were not spent apart and our friendship was still one hundred percent intact. Well of course he acted they way. Why wouldn't he?

"I missed you as well." I admitted while letting my hand curl around his back, my fingers grasping at green fabric by his side.

"You better have." He nuzzled into my hair for a moment as we rounded the corner but then he came to a stop, forcing me to do as as well.

I glanced up at Eren in concern for a moment before noticing how he was glaring forward. I followed his gaze to see Erwin, Levi and Hanji standing outside of Connie's room talking about something. Levi had noticed us right away, as he always did, and the way his lips deepened into his scowl made my stomach drop. I wasn't sure _who_ Eren was glaring at but with the way Levi was returning his glare, it was safe to assume the two had some type of tiff.

I pulled away from Eren when crystal blue eyes landed on us and I moved forward, knowing the raven haired male would follow behind. Erwin gave a quick glance between Eren and I before his eyes landed on mine. "Is something wrong?" I asked, glancing between the three high ups.

"Nothing at all!" Hanji said with a grin, gaining my attention. "I was just trying to convince Erwin to let me have Springer. He does need to be fitted for his prosthetic after all."

"He has a lot of time left to heal before he can even think of doing that." I pointed out, narrowing my eyes at the woman slightly. "He shouldn't even move out of bed for at least a week."

"Well, yes of course, But if Erwin-"

"Hanji." The deep voice snapped, catching me off guard along with the way Eren's warm hand pressed to my lower back. I glanced at the male but his eyes were on Erwin. I felt like there was something important I was missing between the four of them. "Springer is Arlert's patient."

"Well fine then." She turned to me with a soft smile that made my throat dry. "Doctor Arlert, I would like to take your patient to the science wing."

"And why is that?"

The smile on her face curled up slightly. "There are a few shots I would like to give him. He's in the perfect condition now."

"He's not even awake."

"He can't make that decision for himself." Eren broke in, his eyes narrowed. "Don't do that without his permission."

I blinked at my best friend before shifting my eyes to Hanji, then Levi, then Erwin. "What is going on here? What don't I know?"

"That does not matter right now." Erwin cut in, his eyes cold and firm on Hanji. "Yeager is right. Springer is in no condition to approve of your enhancements. Wait until Arlert is sure Springer is able to make this decision for himself."

"Oh fine." Hanji let out a soft sigh, her smile gone though her eyes were still lit with amusement. "Give me a call when that happens Armin." She flashed me a smile before turning on her heel. "And if you're ever really interested in what we're talking about, stop by my office sometime. I'll give you a full tour." And with that she left down the hallway, disappearing around a corner.

My mind clicked, twisted and turned but I could think of nothing off the top of my head that they could be talking about. Whatever it was, Eren knew and it apparently made him uncomfortable. The way his warm fingers curled against my back were proof enough. I fully intended on taking Hanji up on her offer however.

"You'll have to excuse Hanji. She gets over excited easily." Erwin said with a faint sigh turning toward me before his eyes focused on Yeager and the way his arm was curled around me. I glanced at Eren who seemed to finally relax. The muscles in his face relaxed and his glare dissipated though his arm pulled me a little closer to his side. "I take the two of you know each other?"

"Eren and I are childhood friends." I stated, glancing up at Erwin with a soft smile. "I'm honestly shocked that I found him here."

"You were separated?" Erwin asked, seemingly interested.

I shook my head. "We were in different states when the world went to hell."

"Then I take you know Ackerman as well?"

"I do."

Blue eyes softened slightly and the faintest of smiles came to Erwin's lips. "Well, I'm glad you've found friends Armin." He turned to Levi and gave the man a nod. "We'll be off now." And with that the two of them left down the way Hanji had.

I blinked in slight surprise and glanced at Eren. Something was different. Eren didn't act toward Erwin the way that Bert and Reiner did. Then again, Eren was always rebellious against authority figures. Which brought up more questions. Why was he in the army? I pushed those questions to the back of my mind for the moment and pulled away from Eren to carefully open the door to Connie's room.

I slipped inside with Eren right behind me to see Connie was still fast asleep along with his girlfriend who was curled up on his uninjured side. The sight brought a soft smile to my face. I saved him. He could have died from the blood loss but I saved him. I actually did something worth living. My life had purpose now and that meant everything to me. I hoped Jean was proud of me.

"Is something wrong, Armin?" The soft gentle voice of Krista knocked me from my thoughts and I glanced to the side to see her smiling softly at me.

"I just wanted to check on him before I left for the day. Are you alright staying here?"

She nodded. "Of course. I'm sure Sasha isn't going to go anywhere either. We can handle him. You've had a hard day." She reached up and patted my cheek gently. "Get some rest, doctor." Again that word... I still didn't believe it but I was not going to correct those who choose to call me it.

"Make sure you rest as well. Call me if you need me."

"Of course." She smiled, glancing at Eren for a moment before pushing me toward the door. "Now shoo."

I laughed softly, nodding at her as I grabbed Eren's arm. "Alright, alright. See you tomorrow, Krista."

"Have a good night!" She called softly as she closed the door behind us.

That girl always managed to put a smile on my face. I shook my head, slipping my hand down Eren's arm before releasing him. I paused when I realized he wasn't following me and turned to glance at him. He was still outside Connie's door, his head lowered so I couldn't see his eyes and his fists shaking at his sides.

"Eren?" I ventured softly, closing the distance between us. My hands went to his wrists, rubbing them softly before slipping down to his tightly clenched fists. It was habit really. What I had always done when Eren was upset. "He's fine. He really is. I know he doesn't look it, but I promise you that he is. He lost a lot of blood is all so he looks close to death. But he _will_ be fine." I gave his hands a squeeze to emphasize my words.

Eren knocked out foreheads together, his eyes vibrant from behind dark bangs as he met mine. "God I missed you."

My heart warmed at his words and I smiled softly. "I still know you as well as I ever have."

His lips curled into a soft smile. "Yeah, you do." His hands twisted around to grab mine, squeezing my fingers gently. "I don't know how I survived without you."

I snorted softly and pulled back from him, letting one of his hands still hold mine as I lead him down the hallway. "Don't flatter me you fruit."

Eren laughed softly, shaking his head as he followed along beside me. "I'm being honest. I don't think I've smiled this much since before."

I hummed faintly, thinking on his words. I use to smile plenty when Jean was around. In fact, almost every day spent with the male was a blessing. I didn't know how much of a blessing it was back then... Not at all. My heart sank at the direction of my thoughts so I forced them down, my hand coming up to pull out the necklace tucked under my shirt. My fingers immediately went to toying with the ring and the cool metal calmed my aching heart.

We remained quiet as we exited the building. Eren's hand was warm and comforting in mine and the last time I had even touched someone that much was with Jean. The two were completely different things but the comfort it gave me was the same.

"Jeager." The amused voice of Reiner caught my attention and I glanced up to see the tall blonde standing with Mikasa and Bert just outside the building. "So you _do_ know Armin."

Eren snorted, squeezing my hand as he pulled me over to them. "Sure do."

"Mikasa was telling us how the three of you are childhood friends." Bert said with a soft smile, his eyes lingering on the way Eren's hand was clamped around mine.

"Small world, huh?" Reiner let out a deep laugh as his hand clamped onto Mikasa's shoulder in a friendly manner. So the four were friends? That was good to know.

"How do you know Armin?" Eren asked, eyeing the blonde rather suspiciously though there was an amused glint in his eyes.

"We picked him up." Reiner stated with a shrug.

"You could have told us." Eren hissed softly.

"Hey, it's not like we knew you knew him. He didn't mention you and you two never mentioned him." The tall blonde shrugged.

"How long have you been here, Armin?" Mikasa cut in, tilting her head at me.

"About a week."

Eren stiffened at my side and Mikasa's dark eyes widened a bit. "What?"

"Yea, We found him wandering along the side of the road in the outskirts of the wall about a week ago." Reiner answered for me. "I had to check him myself. The commander was really interested in him." He shrugged, removing his hand from Mikasa's tense shoulder to cross his arms over his broad chest. "Good thing too. We really needed a doctor. The commander worked hard to keep Armin for the scouts."

"You were _alone_?" Eren gasped, those wide green eyes turning on me.

I just blinked at him, confused as to why he seemed so... shocked? Surprised? Concerned? I couldn't tell exactly. "I'd been alone for a while. I handled things better that way."

"How long were you alone?" He asked, his fingers tight around mine and the swirling emotion in his eyes making me clamp down on the ring around my neck.

"I don't really know." Though the cool air told me it had to have been about a year. Possibly. I wasn't sure.

"We should head to Armin's now." Mikasa interrupted the strange tenseness suddenly surrounding Eren and I. "My ankle is starting to ache."

Eren snapped out of whatever strange inner turmoil he was having and nodded, shifting his gaze to her. Now that those eyes weren't on me, I relaxed a bit but my heart was still pounding. That was odd. Very odd. But I swallowed hard, bid my farewells to Bert and Reiner and lead Eren and Mikasa to my apartment.

* * *

"Whoa they really have you set up, don't they?" Eren commented as we entered my apartment.

"Bert told me it was important for me to be near the base but not actually on it. Considering I'm not officially a solider." I said with a shrug, dropping my key in the bowl by the door and welcomed them in with a wave of my hand. "Mi casa es su casa."

Mikasa giggled softly at my words, patting my arm as she limped past. "It is rather nice."

"Much nicer than the solider barracks." Eren shut the door behind him, following Mikasa to the couch where she sat down elegantly. Once he was sure she was fine, he moved around the apartment taking it in.

I followed him into the open kitchen and watched with slight amusement as he started going through the cabinets. "Would you two like some tea?" I asked with a smile.

"Tea would be lovely." Mikasa said from the couch where she was propping up her now boot free ankle onto a pillow.

"Yea, sounds good. You seriously need to go shopping." Eren said, grabbing a pack of crackers.

I smiled, shaking my head at him as I set up the kettle on the stove. "It's just me here, Eren. And I spend more time at my office then I do here."

"Are you eating properly?" Mikasa asked while Eren stuffed his face with crackers. Really, nothing had changed between us and I was happy about that.

"I eat when I'm hungry." I answered with a shrug, shifting around my best friend who had propped himself up on the counter to grab three mugs and some tea bags. "I'm still functioning on the one meal a day plan. My body has yet to understand that it no longer needs to starve."

"Yea, I can't believe you've been out there this whole time." Eren mumbled around a mouth full of crackers.

"Well where was I supposed to be?" I responded with a shrug, dropping a tea bag in each cup, glancing at the male sitting on the counter beside me. "I was not aware of this place until I saw the walls in the distance maybe a month or so ago."

"What's it like out there?" Eren asked, his hands dropping in his lap as he struck me with an intensely serious stare.

I just blinked at him, tilting my head to the side. "You're part of the scouting legion, are you not? You should know."

"I only know what I see. We've never been out there to survive. We go outside the walls to gauge the world and take down what we can." He bit his lower lip, his intensely green eyes softening. "You've seen a completely different world than we have."

He was right about that. "Have you two been here the whole time?" I asked, something dawning on me.

They glanced at each other and I turned, leaning my back against the counter so I could see both of their faces clearly. "My father brought us here not long after the outbreak. Maybe a week or so afterwards." Eren started, his eyes lowering to the floor and his hands clenching together. "The walls were already up. Like, Trost was prepared for whatever happened. This place has been a safe heaven since the beginning. Most of the people inside of these walls have never even seen a zombie. They don't realize the danger they're in."

I tusked softly, narrowing my eyes as I turned back to the kettle. That was a problem by itself and still something that bothered me greatly. I knew what could happen with a false sense of security. The walls were tall and they were thick. But it only took one. One zombie, one bite, and it would be chaos. I swallowed hard, my hand finding the ring again. "They understand nothing." I hissed softly.

"There was an uprising not long ago." Mikasa continued. "The people thought the military was lying to them, keeping them inside these walls for no reason."

"What happened?" I asked softly.

"The people who wanted to leave left. We didn't do anything to stop them. If they wanted to endanger themselves and leave the safety of the walls, that was their problem." Eren answered. "Course, no one actually left for good. They took one look outside the walls and decided to stay."

"And yet they still have the gull to look at us like they're better than us." I mumbled, flinching when the kettle whistled. I took it off the heat, turning off the burner before moving to pour the water in our mugs.

"They look at you like that too?" Eren questioned. "Hell, you're not even a solider. I'm used to it at this point."

"Though you did almost punch a few people at first." Mikasa added with a sly smile.

Eren shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck. "It just pisses me off, you know? These people wonder around, living their lives like nothing as happened and have the nerve to look at me like I'm some piece of shit on their shoe because I actually have the balls to go outside of the walls. LIke, they don't even realize what their lives would be like without us."

"They honestly don't." I added, filling the last cup with steaming water. "They have no idea the hell it is outside of these walls."

"But you do." Eren slipped off the counter and took the offered mug of tea I handed him. Our eyes met and the sadness I found there made my blood run cold.

"What choice did I have?" I grabbed the two mugs from the counter and made my way over to Mikasa with Eren trailing behind. I handed her a warm mug that she took with a soft smile before I settled down on the couch beside her. Eren took his place at my other side and pressed his shoulder to mine as he leaned back against the soft cushions to sip his tea. Mikasa shifted and pressed her shoulder to mine as well, the two of them settling against me and I had no objection to it.

"Tell us about it." Eren mumbled softly, watching me with those sad eyes again.

I let out a soft sigh, bringing my mug to my lips with both of my hands wrapped around it. "Not much to tell. I was on campus when the breakout reached us. I made it home, called my grandfather and we met up." I felt the two of them tense beside me. "He had that." I motioned to the crossbow rested against the wall beside the door. I kept it there in case I ever needed it. I had stopped carrying it with me after the second day. "Things weren't so bad at first. But, the more time that past the more it went to hell. Grandpa... He was old, you know? He didn't last long. After that, I was on my own. It wasn't easy but I managed. I preferred ot be alone then have to deal with other people. It got to the point that I couldn't trust others. I was better on my own. I survived and I didn't have to worry about anyone else but myself. It made the whole experience easier."

"So you really spent the last three years alone? Wondering around?" Eren asked, his voice soft and his eyes still on me.

I bit my lower lip, one hand uncurling from the mug to grasp the ring around my neck. "Not all of it." I noticed the way the both of them glanced at my hand. "I spent a good amount of time with someone..."

A warm hand was on mine and I glanced up as Eren squeezed the hand around the ring. His eyes were swirling with emotion and it wasn't until then that I realized there were tears in my eyes. "Tell us about them." His words were soft and more of a question than a demand but I nodded and swallowed hard.

"Jean saved my life." I admitted softly, lowering my eyes to my hand. The ring was warm in my palm but Eren's hand was warmer. "I fucked up and almost got myself killed but he took the time to save me. I never planned on staying with him but we worked well together. We made a good team. It was... nice to have someone to trust. Someone who had my back but could also handle himself." My throat tightened and I raised my eyes to the ceiling, pushing back the tears that threatened to fall. It'd been a year and I was still heartbroken...

"He was strong, smart and dependable. He took care of me and I took care of him. He was someone to talk to, someone to keep me sane. Someone I..." My voice broke off and I felt both of them shift. Eren's hand moved from mine as he rolled toward me and slipped his arm around my waist in a rather awkward hug. But it was warm and comforting. Mikasa had done the almost the same by hooking her arm around mine that was clutching the necklace and let her head rest on my shoulder. I wasn't alone. I wasn't. I had Eren and Mikasa now. Two people I never thought I'd have again.

"You loved him." Eren stated softly, nuzzling into my neck.

I bit my lower lip, closing my eyes tightly as my face turned toward the ceiling. I felt warm tears slip from my eyes and roll down my rounded flushed cheeks. "I do."

Eren stiffened against me before raising his hand to grasp mine. He shifted, sitting up a bit as he pried my fingers apart. I watched through blurry eyes as he pulled the ring from my hand and twirled it between his tanned fingers, looking it over. "He gave this to you?" I could only nod.

"It's beautiful." Mikasa commented softly, using the opportunity to take my hand in hers now that it was free. Her fingers were cool as they linked with mine but the feeling was comforting enough.

"Why do you wear it around your neck?" Eren grabbed my free hand, which happened to be my left hand and slipped the ring on my finger. "It fits rather perfectly."

I swallowed hard around the lump in my throat. "I didn't want to lose it."

He was silent for a moment as he stared at the ring on my finger before removing it. He placed the ring against my chest gently, letting it hang from the string before his arm returned to my waist and his face pressed into my neck. "What happened?" His words were soft and strained, like he didn't want to ask but also wanted to know. "You don't have to tell us if you'd rather not." He added quickly.

I took a deep breath, feeling it stutter in my chest as I slipped my eyes shut. I rested my cheek against Eren's hair and with the warmth and comfort the two provided me, it was a little easier to tell them. "It's okay. I can talk about it with you." My voice was strained but it was there. "He... I was sick. Really sick. And he was worried... So we ventured out in hopes of finding me _something_ to bring down my fever. It was... We found what I needed but the hospital was overrun... We barely escaped alive..." Sadness bubbled up from my chest and I didn't even bother to hold back the tears that slipped down my cheeks. "He gave me the ring when we got back. We had gotten separated in the hospital... He got bit. I don't know how. But he had and I..." I crumbled over slightly, my knees coming up as I buried my face in Eren's raven hair. I couldn't move other than that with the way Mikasa hugged my arm and Eren wrapped himself around my side.

"Shh." Eren mumbled softly against my neck, his fingers tight against my hip. "You don't have to tell us any more."

A sob bubbled up my throat, the pain coming back in full force. "I-I didn't know I could save him." The words were harsh on my own lips as my body shook slightly. "I didn't know I could have just cut off his arm and saved his life. _I didn't know_!"

"Shh shh." Eren's voice was soft in my ear as he slipped is other arm around my back, linking his fingers together at my side and pulled me closer. It couldn't have been comfortable for him but he didn't seem to care. Mikasa was rubbing her hand over my arm and doing her best to comfort me as well. But there wasn't much to comfort really. I'd cried enough over Jean and I was convinced I always would. But it was different from crying alone. With Eren and Mikasa at my sides, it felt better. I felt less pathetic and alone.

"It's not your fault Armin." Eren voice was soft and soothing. "You did the only thing you could do then." I choked back a sob and clung to the two people I never thought I would see again. The pain of losing Jean was still there, as fresh as the day I lost him, but I had Eren and Mikasa. And that made everything just a bit better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Armin has some issues to work out. Some pain to deal with. It breaks my heart to do this to him. It really does. Jean was his everything and still is. Though having Eren and Mikasa around helps now. Did I mention I love this trio? I do, I really do.
> 
> Welp, I don't know when I'll update this but I will try for once a week. Having two multichapters going as once smells disaster for me. but I will finish this. I promise. It means too much to me not to.
> 
> Please let me know what you thought! Thanks for reading!
> 
> ~Addy~


	2. Without You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to those who took the time to enjoy the first chapter. I'm getting on the ball with this and I hope you enjoy the flashbacks that are about to happen.
> 
> Enjoy.

_The crackling of the fire and the soft sounds of metal scraping against aluminum were the only sounds in the small dimly lit room. My eyes focused on the small fire, watching as a few sparks fluttered up into the air before disappearing. A window was open to allow the smoke to escape the room and it helped the rather stuffy warm room. The night air was cool even if the days were warm and the small fire was comforting._

_"You don't have to, you know."_

_I glanced up, blue meeting gold for a second before Jean shifted his eyes back to the can of corn in his hands. He sat with his back pressed to the wall beside the cracked window with his legs bent up on either side of him, his elbows resting on them. He was across from where I sat with my knees tucked under me and a can of beans in my lap. The fire sat between us and with the way the light of the flames flickered across his face, it was nearly impossible to read his expression._

_"Pardon?" I spoke softly, tilting my head slightly._

_"You don't have to leave in the morning." The tone in his voice was hard to read._

_I just stared at him for a moment, taking in how he was sitting with his head ducked down and his shoulders hunched. "Are you asking me to stay?" My voice was nearly a whisper but I knew he could hear it._

_"And if I were?" Golden orbs met mine and I found myself pinned with his stare._

_I swallowed hard while placing my mostly empty can on the floor. "Why?"_

_Jean chewed his bottom lip for a moment before letting out a soft sigh. He placed his can on the floor and used his now free hands to run through his hair. "I can't make you do anything, Armin." He let one hand rest in his hair as he glanced up at me. "But it's been nice, hasn't it? Not being alone." He motioned between us with his other hand. "It's not that I worry for your safety out there alone. I know you're fully capable of taking care of yourself. But you've been here for a few days and I..." His shoulders heaved with his sigh. "It's just nice having someone to talk to."_

_My heart thumped softly at his words because he was right. He was very right. Even though I spent most of the last few days asleep and resting, it had been nice. Jean was warm company. He liked to ramble off about random things and I had to admit that I liked the sound of his voice. I liked having someone else to just... talk to. We were human after all. We needed each other. Not because we were weak and couldn't handle ourselves on our own but... because it was instinct._

_"Do you want me to stay?"_

_Jean's body tensed for a second before those beautiful golden eyes were on mine. "Yes." The word was strained, almost like it pained him to admit it. There was fear in those eyes. Fear and worry and... I understood. "But I want you to stay because you want to. Not because I asked you to."_

_"I want to stay." The words were out of my mouth before I even had time to process them. Jean blinked and we stared at each other in surprise. "I mean..." I swallowed hard and scrambled to continue. "I've been on my own for so long... It is nice to have someone to talk to. Someone I feel I can... trust." I glanced away to the floor, fully aware of the flush on my cheeks. "I don't need you to protect me but I... I do feel I need someone to be with. It's easy to lose your mind out there alone."_

_Jean was quiet for a moment before I heard his hushed words. "You trust me?"_

_I glanced up to see him staring at me with wide eyes, his lips parted in slight awe. My heart thumped at that expression as I nodded. "You did look after me and saved my life. I have no reason not to trust you."_

_And then he smiled. I'd seen plenty of smiles from Jean the past few days but they were small and reserved. This... This was open. Completely open and actually reached his eyes. It made my heart do a whole bunch of thumping. I realized then I was not making a mistake. Staying with Jean was in my best interest. He was trustworthy, loyal and we had the same view on this hell. Chances were I would not get so lucky again in the future._

_"So, You're staying?' He asked, that smile still on his lips._

_I let out a soft snort, allowing a small smile to grace my lips as I shrugged. "Looks like I am."_

_"Ha!" Jean chuckled, letting his legs drop down as he clapped his hands together. "That's great!"_

_His happiness spread to me and I couldn't help but feel the same. "I suppose it is." I said with a faint smile._

* * *

I awoke with a gasp, my body shivering in a cold sweat as I sat up rather violently. I buried my head in my shaking hands, gasping softly at the pain that racked through my body. "Armin?" I flinched at the warm hand that started rubbing over my bare back but didn't pull away from it. "It was just a nightmare." Eren's voice was soft in my ear as he nuzzled into my neck and I felt the cool hand of Mikasa join Eren's in rubbing my back. They had both decided to stay for the night considering none of us wanted to part after finally reuniting. My bed was large enough to fit the three of us and we had fallen asleep rather easily enough.

"It wasn't a nightmare." I gasped softly, unable to stop the tears that fell from my eyes. I was used to waking up gasping for air with tears streaming down my face. I was used to staying up for hours afterwards, crying my eyes out. "It was a memory."

"I'm sorry." His deep voice was soothing but it wasn't Jean. And that made my body convulse and the tears to fall harder. It had been a year or so and I still couldn't handle it. I tried to curl up but Eren pulled me back down beside him, his arms wrapping around my body as he held me against his chest. My fists balled up against his chest, my forehead pressed against it as i let myself cry. I was usually to well put together. People never saw this side of me. But Eren and Mikasa were. They were seeing my weak side and I was okay with that.

"I know we're not him." Mikasa spoke softly as she pressed against my back, wrapping her arms around my waist to hold me as well. "And I know you'll never stop feeling this pain. But know Armin that we are here for you. You can cry as much as you need or want to. And we'll be here for you. Because sometimes... We need this too."

Eren buried his head in my hair and I was surprised at the feel of warm wet tears fall on to my head. "Yea we do." His voice was strained with pain. I didn't need to know why. I pulled my hands from his chest to slip one around his waist to hold him in return. We needed each other. We were only human after all.

* * *

_It started with a cough. Just a simple little cough that didn't seem to need much attention. But as the day progressed that cough became heavier and longer. Then there was some sneezing and sniffing and before I knew it, I had Jean curled up on our makeshift bed with about four blankets covering his shivering body. I let out a soft sigh, keeping one hand against his forehead while the other was pressed to mine._

_"You have a fever, Jean. It must be the weather changes. Cold during the night, warm during the day. Do you have allergies?" My voice was soft, soothing as brushed hair from his sweating forehead._

_"I don't usually get sick." He admitted, his voice weak as he closed his eyes to my tender touch. I'd spent a month with him so far and that had been pleasant enough. Jean and I made a rather good team. He was someone I could trust and he always had my back just as I had his. We remained in the little apartment on the top floor of a building that we had first met in. It was comfortable and safe enough for us though there was talk of leaving the city. The more days that past the more we realized we had to leave the city. It wasn't safe. Hell, no where was safe but it would be better in the country._

_"Well you are now." I released a soft sigh, running my fingertips down his flushed cheek. His head turned into my touch and he mumbled something about it feeling good. My heart thumped as I let my cool palm rest against his cheek. I sat on my knees at his side, chewing my bottom lip in worry. "Jean, This isn't good."_

_He hummed softly, cracking open an eye to watch me with a golden hue. "I'll be fine."_

_I shook my head. "No, you won't. Not without any medicine and we have none. Your fever is really high."_

_"You going to be my doctor?" He murmured, letting his eyes slip shut once again as he leaned his head into my palm._

_"I'm not certified but I was in medical school for two years before everything went to hell."_

_"Really? I didn't know that."_

_I took a deep breath. "Sleep, Jean. Everything will be okay."_

_He hummed again, curling up on his side under the blankets and nuzzled into my hand. "Don't leave?"_

_"I'm not going anywhere."_

_Jean didn't take long to pass out. Five minutes tops. I tugged my hand out from under his head gently and then tucked the blankets under his chin, biting my lip at the way he shivered. Worry ate at my stomach and I was on my feet quickly. I grabbed my crossbow, attached a knife to my thigh and left the small apartment without Jean even noticing. I loaded my bow and cocked it before slipping down the hallway. My brain ran, calculating and gave me the best option. I moved up the only set of stairs not blocked by useless furniture and shoved open the heavy door that lead to the roof._

_The sunlight was bright and warm as I stepped out onto the roof. I propped the door open with a chunk of wood before cross the span of the roof. I moved to the edge of the building and glanced down, seeing a few walkers stumbling about without a care in the world I was too high up for them to notice me. I glanced up at the roof at least four feet away before tossing my crossbow over the space. It landed easily enough of the roof before I reeled backwards, giving myself enough ground. And then I took off running, launched myself from the edge of the roof and landed a little hard on the opposite roof. It was a jump I'd made countless times. I snatched up my crossbow and moved to the door that lead down into the apartment building._

_It was a place Jean and I had explored only a bit. We had found enough in the first few apartments that we didn't need to explore any farther. It was dangerous and probably one the dumbest things I had thought about doing but what choice did I have? I couldn't just let Jean suffer. He was sick. Badly. And if I didn't do something he could die. I wasn't willing to chance that. In the month we had spent together, he had come to mean a lot to me. He kept me sane. I was right about needing him. And right now, he needed me._

_The heavy steel door squealed when I tugged it open causing me to wince. I pushed it open, holding it there with my hip as I raised my crossbow, aiming down into the darkened stairwell. I waited a moment and once nothing came and there was just silence, I moved into the stairwell, letting the door shut as quietly as possible behind me. My heart pounded but I remained calm. I didn't know what I was walking into. I swallowed hard, keeping my crossbow up and aimed, ready for anything._

_I was down to the top floor and moved past the few apartments we had already scavenged. I paused at one I knew we hadn't and tried the handle. It was locked of course so after glancing around, I dropped to my knees, placing my crossbow at my side as I tugged out the two thin pieces of metal I kept in my pocket at all times. I stuck them into the lock and shifted them around, concentrating until I heard it finally click. I shoved the picks back into my pocket, got to my feet, raised my crossbow and entered the apartment cautiously._

_The door shut behind me quietly and I strained my ears for any sound of one of them. Silence greeted me but that didn't mean anything. I didn't have much time to waste. I reached the kitchen and found it to be ransacked. Whoever lived there had already cleaned everything out when they left. So it seemed. I chewed on my bottom lip and searched a few cabinets to find nothing. I searched the bathroom and bedroom and still nothing. I hissed in slight aggravation before I left that apartment to move into the next one._

_I paused outside the door farthest down the hallway and stared at the words scratched into the wood. Let them be. My eyes narrowed at these words and I tried the knob to find it locked. Once again, I dropped to my knees and picked it in under a minute. I tugged the knife from my thigh and held it in my free hand, prepared to strike as I entered the apartment. I could hear them. Moving around. Someone didn't have the heart to kill them. Perhaps they had been family._

_I was prepared when the first one rounded the corner of the hallway. My finger reacted quickly, the arrow speeding through the air and hit its target right in the eye. The body fell to the floor in a lump and I paused, waiting for more. I heard shuffling, reloaded my bow as quickly as I could muster and it was off again as a woman rounded the corner. She dropped on top of the older man, blocking the hallway. I reloaded my crossbow and stepped forward, staying alert for any more sounds. I heard nothing as I stepped over their bodies and glanced around the open kitchen and living room. Nothing. Maybe that was all of them._

_So I lowered my crossbow and started to search through the kitchen cabinets for anything we might need. The kitchen was well stocked and I made a mental note to come back later with Jean to stock up. I couldn't find any medicine however so I moved through the living room and nearly jumped out of my skin at the sudden "thump". My eyes landed on the sliding glass door that lead to a small balcony. There, pressing against the glass was one of them. He was gnawing at the glass to now avail. I narrowed my eyes at it but left it where it was. There wasn't much of a chance of it coming inside. The door was locked and it couldn't break the glass on its own._

_I moved forward to a closed door I assumed was the bedroom. I opened it, my crossbow raised but I was not prepared for what was inside. Two of them. No older than ten and not younger than seven. I quickly shut the door, my heart pounding as I pulled the crossbow to my chest. I could have just walked out and let them be. Move on to the next apartment. But I couldn't chance it. Time was wasting and Jean needed my help._

_I took a moment to steel myself and attached my crossbow to my back before grasping my knife between my fingers. I bit my lower lip, crouching down and then shoved open the door. One of the two girls ran forward, not even wasting time with her jaw hanging from her face and the sounds she made disgusting. I reacted quickly, flicking the knife and shoving it into the side of her skull. She collapsed atop me and since I didn't take her momentum into consideration, I fell backwards, gasping in surprise._

_The second girl screeched and launched onto me. I twisted and turned, shoving the dead body from me and managed to get the still moving off away as well. I rolled to the side, wincing slightly as I grabbed my knife. The girl was on me again, my free wrapping around her throat as she snapped at me. I closed my eyes and shoved the knife into her skull, stilling her movements. I shoved her from me and quickly got to my feet. I winced at the sharp pain in my back from where I had landed on my crossbow as I got to my feet._

_I grumbled to myself, stepping over their bodies as I moved into the bedroom. The shit I did for this man. I moved into the bathroom and started digging through cabinets. I found a few bottles of medicine in the cabinet above the sink and stuffed them into my pockets without bothering to look at them. There were a few boxes of cold medicine as well which I shoved into my back pockets. It was enough to last for now._

_I left the apartment, shutting the door behind me and took note of the apartment number. And then I was back up the stairs to the roof. Another jump across and I was back to Jean without him even noticing I was gone. He was fast asleep when I entered the small apartment and dropped my crossbow by the door. I grabbed a jug of water from our small collection and dropped down to his side, tugging out the various pills I collected. I searched through them, finding a few prescription pain meds. I set those aside for later before popping two little orange pills out of the cold medicine pack. It was what he needed and even if they didn't relieve his fever, one of the pain meds would._

_"Jean." I whispered softly, brushing his sweat soaked hair way from his forehead. "Jean." I repeated, brushing fingers down the side of his face before moving to shake his shoulder lightly. The fact that he didn't wake up immediately proved just how sick he really was. I swallowed hard and leaned over him, using both hands to shake his shoulders. "Jean. Wake up."_

_He groaned, his lips curling into a frown as he cracked his eyes open. "Armin?" His voice was hoarse and thick with sleep._

_"Come on, I need you to sit up." I slipped an arm around his shoulders and did my best to help him sit up._

_"Wha... What's going on?" He mumbled, doing his best to sit up as well._

_"You need to take these." I showed him the two pills before moving them toward his mouth. He parted his lips, allowing me to put them inside before I raised the jug of water to his lips. He swallowed them down, his eyes closed for a moment before I took the jug away._

_"Armin." His voice was soft as I helped lay him back down and pulled the blankets back over his shivering body. "Where did you..."_

_"Shh. Just rest, Jean. You'll be okay now. I'm right here."_

_"Armin." He reached for me and I moved closer, lifting his head slightly until he was using my lap for a pillow. I brushed his hair over his forehead, knowing that my cool fingertips soothed him. He nuzzled into my thigh, his eyes closed as his breathing evened out. I watched him for a moment, smiling softly as he drifted off to sleep. Jean would be just fine and that made my heart calm. I took care of him and he took care of me. I was proud to know I could help him and because of me, he would be okay. I didn't even want to think about what would happen to Jean if I wasn't around. This was why I stayed. And I didn't regret it at all._

* * *

Days fell into order after meeting up with Eren and Mikasa. Routine even, like before. Just with the two of them added into the mix. And sometimes, even Reiner and Bert. I spent my time reading and learned while watching over Connie and any other soldiers who would need my help. I wasn't a fool. For the most part, they didn't even need me. I knew I would only be needed after a trip outside the walls which happened every few days.

Mikasa and Eren spent more nights at my apartment than in their own barracks and no one seemed to mind that. The three of us slept better with the comfort of knowing the others were around. The bed was large enough to fit all three of us and if one were to wake with a nightmare, the others were there to comfort. It was something I hadn't felt for a long time and though I feared I would lose it, I couldn't help but fall into a feeling of security.

"This is boring." Eren mumbled from where he sat on the edge of my desk.

I glanced up him, raising an eyebrow as I set my book down flat on the wooden surface. "I told you it's not exciting."

"Is this all you do? Really?"

I shrugged, leaning back in my chair to get a better view of his face. "There isn't much else to do. I still have a lot to learn and without patients, this is the best thing to do. Occasionally someone will come in with a cut that needs stitches or something from training but it's not really that exciting."

Eren sighed softly, crossing his arms over his chest as he peered down at me. He was so close that his dangling legs would sometimes brush against my side. Just being near one another made us feel better. "Yea, well, it's boring."

I snorted softly, crinkling my nose as I patted his thigh. "You said you wanted to spend time with me while I work. This is work."

"But it's boring." He whined softly in such a familiar way that it made my chest constrict.

"You could come with me while I check Connie. I haven't been down there since this morning." I stated, pushing my chair back to get to my feet.

A grin came to Eren's face and he was immediately on his feet as well. "That sounds good."

I shook my head at him, amused, as I led him out of my office and down the now familiar hallways. "He might be glad to see you."

"I don't know." He said with a shrug while stepping up next to me, his hands shoved into the pockets of his pants. "Does he even remember what happened?"

"Bits and pieces. Nothing accountable. I've tried not to ask him too much about it. He's in enough pain as it is."

"But he's doing okay, right?" He sounded truly concerned. Connie was one of the few soldiers who had been at Trost for as long as Eren and Mikasa so I knew they were a bit closer than others.

"Yes, He is. Recovering rather well." I could see the way Eren's body relaxed at my words and at that moment, all I wanted to do was hug him. But I restrained myself from doing so. I was starting to learn that people didn't exactly understand our relationship. The last thing either of us needed was for people to talk more than they already did. Eren had a temper that was best kept in check.

When we turned the corner I was surprised to see Erwin and Hanji standing outside Connie's door. Levi was oddly missing but Eren had told me before that the male like to do extensive training in the mornings so I assumed that was where he was. I glanced at Eren before approaching the two high-ups who noticed us both immediately.

"Erwin, Hanji." I greeted with a nod of my head and a arched eyebrow. "Dare I ask what is going on?"

"I came for Springer." Hanji answered with a nonchalant shrug.

"You what?" Eren gasped softly, his eyes narrowing.

"He isn't read for a prosthetic."

"That's not why she is here." Erwin released a soft sigh and I noticed how tense his face was. His mouth was pulled into a tight thin line and the skin around his eyes was just as tight. Even his body was tense and I was left wondering why. "He agreed to the enhancements."

I could only blink considering I did not understand the look of... anger? Hate? Resentment? I could tell but whatever it was, it was on both Erwin and Eren's faces though Eren's was much more evident. "If I recall, he wasn't allowed to do anything until I said so."

"Over your head, Doc." Hanji flashed me a smile. "There's a large scouting trip in a few days and these guys need all the soldiers they can get. So, Springer's gotta be up and running."

I narrowed my eyes, glancing between the three. "I do not understand."

"You haven't told him?" Hanji's eyes were on Eren and I turned to look at him as well.

Those swirling orbs of green were narrowed and a scowl came to Eren's lips. "It hasn't come up."

"Now it has." Erwin stated, moving away from the door. "Let Arlert look him over and then you can have Springer. And Jeager?" Eren snapped to attention at his name. "Perhaps it's time for you to explain a few things to Arlert." And with that, the commander left down the hallway his body still as stiff and it concerned me.

I narrowed my eyes and moved to open the door to Connie's room without a glance back to Hanji or Eren. The young male was sitting up in his bed, reading a book and glanced up when I entered. He was alone. I knew Krista was out running a few errands and I assumed his girlfriend was training.

"Hey Doc." Connie flashed me a familiar smile which I returned lightly.

"How are you feeling?" I asked as I approached him to check his vitals and whatnot.

His shoulder jerked in a light shrug. "I'm alright. Alive and all." For someone who had been so close to death, Connie had quite the bright outlook.

"Pain level?"

He hummed, glancing up when Eren and Hanji entered the room. "I don't feel anything right now. Krista was in here about twenty minutes ago and stuck something in there." He pointed a finger at his IV.

"Good. Have you felt any since I saw you this morning?"

"Just a bit. But it wasn't anything to complain over. Really Doc, I just can't wait to get out of here."

"Is that why you said yes?" Eren cut in, stepping up on the other side of Connie's bed.

"Good to see you too, Jeager." And the grin on Connie's face showed he really was happy to see Eren.

Eren's stern façade cracked and a smile spread to his lips. "Yea, I'm glad to see you're doing okay."

"I'm alive, thanks to you so I've heard." He reached out and grasped Eren's arm with a smile. "Thanks."

"I did what I had to." He responded with a smile. "But really, Armin saved your life."

"I just did my job." I pointed out, letting my hands drop from his IV. Everything was fine and normal with him. "So apparently I have to hand you over to the science wing now?"

Connie's smile faltered a bit at that. "Yea."

I glanced at Hanji who was being oddly quiet before turning my attention back to Connie. "I honestly have no idea what that means but I know that you do. If you think that is what is best for you, I'm not going to stop you."

"Yea, well I am." Eren cut in, the stern look back on his face. "Are you crazy, Connie? Do you even understand what this is going to do to you? You're lucky to be alive as it is!"

Connie bit his lower lip and glanced away from Eren, closing the book in his lap. "Yea, I know Eren. But... I'm useless like this." He glanced to his bandaged stump. "I won't even be able to do anything properly for another few months and that makes me useless. I refuse to be useless. At least this way... I have a chance of making a difference."

Something... Something was wrong. Very wrong. And I had to know what. What ever these "enhancements" were they didn't seem to be a good thing. At least by judging Eren's face that was what I had gathered. Even Erwin didn't seem fond of them. But Hanji went over my head? Over Erwin's head? For what? And to whom? Erwin was a commander. Not much higher than that on this new military scale except maybe the general?

"What do these enhancements do?" I questioned, glancing between Eren and Connie.

"They take away your humanity, that's what." Eren snarled softly.

"Oh don't be like that, Eren!" Hanji appeared at his side, patting his back with a grin. "It's all in science and preserving humanity! It is our last true defense after all."

"Defense my ass." He hissed softly, slinking away from her a bit. "It's _wrong_."

I glanced between the three of them, taking in Connie's guilty look, Eren's anger and Hanji's grin before letting out a soft sigh. "Alright." I slipped around the bed, slipped my hand into Eren's and tugged him toward the door. He willingly followed. "Connie's a grown man, he can make his own decisions." I told Eren who kept his mouth shut and refused to look at me. "Connie." The male glanced up at my call of his name. "I do hope you truly feel you've made the right decision. I don't know what any of this means, but I understand feeling useless. I understand the passionate need to feel needed. Just don't make a mistake because of that." He nodded, offering me a soft smile that I returned. "And Hanji, I'll be seeing you."

"I look forward to it!" She said with a grin.

I nodded to her before leaving, pulling Eren along with me. His fingers were tight around my own but he didn't fight it when I pulled him back to my office. I had questions and he had answers. I closed my office door behind us before releasing him but I was startled when he suddenly pressed against me, his arms going around me tightly. I blinked as he buried his head into my neck and I wrapped my arms around him in response.

"Eren?" I questioned softly. "What's wrong?"

"These... enhancements..." He mumbled against my neck.

"Yes?"

"They started it all."

My mind clicked things together instantly and my blood ran cold at the terrifying realization that came to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is that? Why yes it is! It is a cliffhanger! Looks like Armin and the rest of you are about to find out exactly what the fuck is going on. But, is that a good thing? Is Armin prepared for what he is about to learn? And what might happen when Armin figures out even more than he was supposed to? Oh dear oh dear.
> 
> Let me know what you thought! That would be lovely. I'll update again when I can. Jury duty has been kicking my ass.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> ~Addy~


	3. Get Out Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuse for this chapter. None what so ever. Forgive me. Don't kill me. Please.
> 
> Warnings: It jumps back and forth between times. So pay attention to that. And uh, you might cry?

_"Hey Armin?"_

_I glanced up at the call of my name, tilting my head at the other male laying on our makeshift bed. Jean was lying on his stomach with his head tucked into his folded arms, glancing back at me. "Yes?" I asked, shifting in my spot against the door._

_He shifted, raising his head to turn toward me a bit more. "I'm cold."_

_I blinked at his words, raising an eyebrow as I shifted the crossbow in my lap. "There's about six blankets over there."_

_Jean rolled his eyes, that familiar smile tugging on his lips. "Not that cold."_

_I searched his eyes for a moment; the gold vibrant in the dimly lit room. "It's my turn."_

_"I know that. But you can keep watch from here." He rolled over to his side, a smile tugging on his lips as he made grabby hands at me. "Come on Armin. I sleep better with you beside me."_

_My breath caught in my throat and I prayed the dim light would keep Jean from seeing the obvious blush on my cheeks. I chewed on my bottom lip for a moment before I moved to my feet, tugging the crossbow up with me. I shuffled across the dirty floor before kneeling on the bed, placing my crossbow on the floor before twisting my body to lay beside him. The warm arm that slipped around my waist made my heart pound as I was pulled back against his chest._

_Jean hummed in satisfaction as his face nuzzled into the back of my neck. "Much better."_

_A smile tugged at my lips as I folded my hands by my head under the pillow. "You're like a kid."_

_I felt him shrug as pulled me a bit closer, his breath warm as it ghosted over my skin, leaving chills in its wake. "Mmm, maybe I am. But you're warm and I feel better knowing you're here."_

_His words made me flush and I was glad he couldn't see my face. "Go to sleep, Jean."_

_He hummed again. "Night, Armin."_

_"Goodnight."_

_It was not even five minutes later when he spoke again. "Armin?"_

_"Yes?"_

_"Who was your favorite power ranger?"_

_I blinked in slight surprise and shifted to glance back at him. He had an arm tucked under his head and those golden eyes were on me. "What?"_

_A smile spread over his lips. "Power rangers. You watched them as a kid, right?"_

_"I did."_

_"Who was your favorite?"_

_"Um, why?"_

_He shrugged. "Making conversation."_

_"You're supposed to be sleeping."_

_"Yea, well," He dipped down and nuzzled his face into my neck, forcing me to face forward once again. "I'm not sleepy."_

_"I think you are."_

_"Humor me."_

_I let out a soft sigh, unable to hide the smile on my face. "The blue one."_

_"Why the blue one?" He mumbled softly, his lips moving against the back of my neck. My heart pounded softly, my body flushing as the feeling of his breath and lips against my skin._

_"Because he was intelligent. He was smart and strong. For a little bookworm like me, that was something to look up to." I answered honestly. "Just because my mind was my strength didn't make me weak."_

_"That's probably the most legit answer I've ever heard." He laughed softly, sending chills over my skin. "Mine was the red one. Because red was my favorite color."_

_I snorted softly. "Well, Blue_ is _my favorite color."_

_He laughed, pulling me closer as he nuzzled into my neck. "That is_ adorable. _You're adorable."_

_I smiled, shaking my head slightly. "You're tired, Jean. Go to sleep."_

_He hummed, rubbing his hand over my stomach for a moment. "Stay here?"_

_I swallowed hard, nodding as I leaned back against him. "I will."_

_"Goodnight, Armin." He mumbled._

_"Goodnight, Jean."_

* * *

It took a moment for air to return to my body. I took a few deep breaths before slipping my hands up Eren's back to grasp his shoulders. I tugged him away until I could meet his eyes and peered into them. "Eren. What are you saying?"

Those eyes were a hurricane of emotion. "I..." He swallowed and glanced away from me to the floor. But I wasn't having any of that. I grabbed his face between my hands and forced him to look me in the eye.

"Eren. What do you mean they started it all?"

He chewed on his bottom lip for a moment before releasing a soft sigh. "The enhancements aren't exactly safe. Not really. People react differently to them."

"And what does that mean?"

"It means that some people survive them and some do not."

"And those who don't?" The way he refused to meet my eyes was enough of an answer. I let my hands drop from him, a strange emotion forming in my stomach. "How do you know all of this?"

"I shouldn't... You shouldn't even know this stuff Armin." He mumbled, moving around me to sit down on one of the small beds in my office. He buried his head in his hands as he folded over slightly. "But I just, I don't want Connie to do this."

I moved to his side, sitting beside him as a hand moved to rub over his back. "I need to know this now, Eren." For my own damn sanity, I needed to know. "You've never kept things from me before. You know you can tell me anything."

"I know... I know Armin." He sighed softly, lifting his head to glance at me from the corner of his eye. "I know because I had them."

My eyes narrowed at his words. "Explain."

His body collapsed slightly and I noticed the flash of pain in his eyes as he glanced away from me. "My father was one of the scientists who created the Titan Gene. We call them enhancements now because people ask fewer questions that way. I was one of the first to get them after the world went to hell. I didn't have a choice in the matter. My father just... He didn't give me a choice. It could have killed me but it didn't. There's no way to tell who will take to the gene and who will not. Those who take to it, become stronger, in ways you can't even imagine, Armin." His voice dropped slightly, the sadness clear in his tone. "But for those who don't take... They develop a taste for human flesh."

It was easy to gather what had happened. I had always wondered what had started it all but to actually know... It left a rock in my stomach. This wasn't some accident. It wasn't some attempt at viral warfare. No, this was on purpose. After all, why else would Trost have been built so quickly after the outbreak? Because they were prepared. Prepared and ready for the chaos. Which meant that the people who did die... There was blame to be placed. There was someone to blame.

My teeth ground together as my jaw locked and the amount of _rage_ that coursed through my veins was startling. "I have one question, Eren. Just one."

My tone must have startled him because he snapped his head and stared at me with wide eyes. "Yeah?"

"Those infected with this "Titan Gene"... It spreads. That much is obvious. So if it spreads, does that mean that someone who was bitten has a chance of... becoming like you?"

"Reiner was bitten." He admitted softly.

It was one thing to know I could have saved Jean by chopping off his arm. His chances of surviving that would have been slim but better than the alternate outcome. But this? _This_ was too much. My blood ran cold and before I knew it, I had slipped from the edge of the bed and fell to my knees on the floor. Eren yelped my name in surprise as I crumbled over, my hands digging into the floor as I bent over. I was shaking and my mind was racing a mile a minute.

"H-How? How do you know if they take or not?" My voice was shaky and nearly a whisper but I knew Eren could hear me. "How can you tell before...?"

His hand was warm on my back as he knelt beside me. "I don't know, Armin. You'll have to ask Reiner or Hanji. All I know is there's a higher chance of someone not taking it than the other way around."

"I didn't... I couldn't... I didn't even see his face. What if he... Oh god, Eren what if..."

I didn't realize I was crying until those warm arms were around me and I was pulled against a strong chest. "Shh, Armin. It's not going to help thinking things like that." His voice was soft in my ear as I clutched at his shirt, my body rocking with sobs that I couldn't stop.

"But what if... Oh god Eren... I might have killed him..."

"Shh. You didn't. You did what you had to do."

"But what if I didn't have to do it!" I pulled back, meeting his eyes with blurred vision. "He, He..." And then something sparked. A memory.

_I wasn't sure how long I sat there with my eyes wide and on his unmoving body. My eyes were starting to burn and the joints in my body were starting to ache. I had just shifted to lay my bent leg flat when Jean finally moved. My attention snapped to him and I watched as he slowly moved up onto his knees and then pushed up onto his feet. I couldn't do it. I couldn't look at his face. His shoulders rolled, his back to me and he released the one sound I wished I had never heard._

My name. It was my name. I could hear it now as clear as a bell. It was a groan, almost like one of them but it... Was it? It couldn't have been. My mind had to be playing tricks on me. It had been a year. My memories had to be clouded. I couldn't... He didn't...

My body convulsed and I bent over, sobs rocking my body. Eren was whispering in my ear but I couldn't hear him any more. I was far too deep into the pit of pain and despair I had fallen into.

* * *

_"Armin! Armin!" I gasped, snapping awake and sat up immediately, my heart pounding in my ears as I clutched a hand over it. My eyes found Jean immediately and the male was kneeling at my side, a look of panic on his face._

_"What? What's wrong?" I gasped out, my throat feeling raw for some reason._

_"You were screaming..." His shoulders slumped as his hand rubbed over my back. "Are you okay?"_

_"I..." I blinked a few times, bringing a hand up to rub at my eyes and found tears there. "I must have had a nightmare."_

_"You don't remember?"_

_I shook my head, searching my brain for any remains of my dream to find nothing. "Nothing."_

_Jean looked me over before nodding and pushed my shoulder gently till I was laying back down. He abandoned his look out post and laid beside me, pulling me close against his side. My skin was chilled but I felt warmth fill me as he pulled me close and wrapped the blanket around the both of us. I let an arm rest over his chest as he kept one wrapped around my body, rubbing over my shoulder and arm gently._

_"Go back to sleep. I'm right here, Armin. I'm not going anywhere." His words and warmth lulled me back to sleep._

* * *

I brushed past the solider who dared to try and stop me before shoving open one of the large metal doors that led me to the science wing. A quick glance revealed a few soldiers, some scientists and way more equipment than I would have expected. But none of it mattered to me. The door slammed shut behind me as I moved forward, blue eyes searching for someone in particular. She wasn't in immediate sight so I stopped a solider to ask.

I hurried off in the direction he pointed me off to, turning a corner and down a white hallway. It reminded me of the hospital wing but it was vastly different. The scent alone made my nose crinkle. I didn't even want to think about the kinds of things they were doing in there. Death lingered in these hallways and made my skin crawl. I found the double doors the soldier had informed me off and I didn't even bother to knock as I pushed through them and into the brightly lit room.

The attention of the room was immediately on me as my narrowed eyes scanned the room. Settled on some odd looking chair was Connie with rather wide eyes settled on me. Hanji and about four other people surrounded him, a few with masks on but Hanji looked the same as always.

"Armin!" A grin spread across her face and she dropped the strange-looking needle in her hand onto a small metal table at her side. I noticed the gloves she wore as she opened her arms and moved around the chair toward me. "Did you come to watch? I was hoping you would!"

"No." I snapped softly, avoiding her as I moved toward Connie who was obviously scared to death. Now I understood. "I came to stop this." I shifted, running my fingers over the straps that held down Connie's arms. "Am I too late?" I asked, glancing up at the terrified male. He shook his head, swallowing hard. "Good."

"Now, wait just a moment, Armin." Hanji's voice was light as she approached me. "Springer agreed to this."

"He agreed because he felt he had no other option. I'm not letting him throw his life away. Not when he has a chance to have a real one." I tugged at the straps before finding the buckles which I started to undo. "I'm not going to let him become something he is not." I glanced at her, my eyes narrowed and a snarl on my lips. "I'm not going to let you kill him."

Hanji's eyes widened slightly before her face became a blank slate. "I take it Eren told you."

"Of course he did. He told me everything. Probably more than you'd like me to know. Because if there is one thing I am best at, it's figuring things out on my own." Once Connie's wrists were free, I moved to his ankles. "Connie, I understand why you decided to do this. I know what it's like to feel useless. But you're not useless." I stood up straight after freeing his ankles and then held my hand out for him. "Erwin sure isn't useless and he has the same issue as you." I offered him a smile that seemed to make him relax as he took my hand. "Hanji may offer you the slim chance of becoming something stronger, but I can give you the tools to be stand on your own. You don't have to do this, Connie." I gave his hand a squeeze before releasing it.

"I..." He glanced between Hanji and I while biting his lip. His hand moved to grip the bandages of his severed arm that were starting to show blood. He was in pain, I could tell and that worried me. "I appreciate this Armin I do... You've done a lot for me but I... Why? Why do you care?"

"You have people who care about you, Connie. And I refuse to let you throw your life away after Eren and I worked so hard to save it."

Something seemed to click in Connie's head. "Okay. I'll put my faith in you."

I sighed in relief as I moved around him, putting a soft hand on his lower back. "Come on. Let's go back. You're in pain and you need to rest." Connie nodded and allowed me to lead him away from the table and the one thing that may have ended his life.

"Armin." Hanji's soft controlled voice caught my attention and I glanced over my shoulder to see her watching me with unreadable eyes. "Do be careful. You have a strong will, I am aware of that. But be careful of what you do and what you get in the middle of."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Are you threatening me, Hanji?"

"I am simply warning you."

I searched her eyes for a moment before shrugging. "I'm willing to risk what I must for what is right." And with that, I led Connie out of that horrible place and back to where he would be safe.

* * *

_"Damnit." Jean hissed softly as he slammed the door behind him, pressing his body back against it while I bent over, trying to catch my breath. "Where the fuck did they all come from?"_

_"I... don't know." I breathed heavily, trying to catch my breath._

_"This is getting bad, Armin." He flicked the three locks on the door before pushing off it. "We need to get out of here. Out of the city."_

_"Are you crazy? We can't even leave the building!" I stood up straight and watched as he moved around the small place we called home and started gathering things. "How the hell are we going to leave the city?"_

_"I don't know. But we have to. We're going to die here. We'll have to building hop until we can find a vehical."_

_"We need a better plan than that Jean."_

_"Well what do you expect me to do?" He snapped softly, startling me. Regret was plain on his face as soon as those words were out of his mouth. "Armin."_

_I held a hand up to him, shaking my head. "It's fine. You're stressed out, It's okay."_

_"It's never okay for me to snap at you..." He mumbled softly, dropping the bags in his hands to approach me. "I'm sorry."_

_I accepted the warm arms that surrounded me and tugged me against a toned chest. "I forgive you." I brought my hands up to rub over his back, hoping it would sooth him. "Leave the planning to me. You pack up everything and meet me on the roof as soon as you can."_

_"Okay." He planted a soft kiss to my hair before he released me. "Be safe."_

_I nodded, heaving my crossbow up over my shoulder. "You too." Then I slipped out the door, crossbow at the ready as I ran for the stairs to the roof. I let the door shut behind me as I stepped out onto the roof. I glanced around, taking in my familiar surroundings before glancing from roof top to roof top. It wouldn't be easy to escape the city. As the days went on, more and more zombies seemed to gather around. We had no idea where they were all going or why they were gathering so close to us but we knew it wasn't safe. Jean was right, we had to get out._

_If we stayed, it wouldn't be long before we were overtaken by their numbers. If we went, there was still a chance of not surviving but at least then we would have fought. We would have tried. We had to get out alive. The both of us. I wasn't going to leave him behind and I knew he wouldn't leave me either. Our only option was to run for our lives and if we were going to run, we were going to run with a plan. We were not going to run blind. I could only hope that we could make it to the other side._

* * *

The knock at my door made me glance up in slight surprise. Bert stood there with a soft smile on his face as he leaned against the door frame. I raised an eyebrow at him as I shut the book I was reading and stuffed it away in my desk. "Hey Bert."

"Hey Armin. Are you leaving soon?"

"I probably should." I moved to my feet before tucking my chair under the desk. "Why?"

"Well, Eren sent me." He smiled sheepishly as he entered my office. "He told me you have a severe lack of food in your apartment and his stomach is suffering from it."

I rolled my eyes, a smile tugging at my lips. "He doesn't _have_ to stay with me."

"I think he feels he does. Either way, He wants me to take you shopping. Something about the best meatballs in existence."

I laughed softly, slipping out of my white coat to hang it back in the closet. ""Not so subtle is he?"

"He's really not." Bert laughed softly.

"Fine." I slipped on the coat Jean had gotten me and buttoned a few of the lower ones before approaching Bert. "Show me the way oh great wise one so I can feed my idiotic best friend." Bert laughed at my words but did as I asked.

We chatted idly as we left the military base and exited onto a street I wasn't familiar with. But I followed the male along obediently, glancing around at the few pedestrians littering the street. They still had the gull to look down at us but really, it no longer bothered me. They had no clue what was really going it and perhaps it was better to be obvious. They were still cattle waiting to be slaughtered while we were full capable of taking down those who threatened to end us.

"What all do you need to make these amazing meatballs?" Bert questioned as we turned down what looked to be a market street.

I hummed softly. "Well, meat obviously."

"What kind?"

"Ground beef is best. Do they have that?"

"We do. We have everything a normal town would. Self sufficient after all. And with the right money, you can have anything you want."

I blinked, glancing up at him. "Money. I forgot about that. It's been so long since I've needed it."

Bert reached into his back pocket and tugged out a black plastic card that was similar to my own which I had left in my apartment. "I've got this one. As long as Reiner and I are invited to dinner."

I laughed softly, nodding. "Of course you are."

That seemed to brighten Bert's day and he wore a smile as we shopped. It wasn't that different from the time before. In fact, it was so oddly normal that it struck me as odd. It made me feel uncomfortable and it made me wonder if I would ever be able to live a normal life again after all I had been through. If normalcy made me feel odd, that was a problem was it not?

"Bert?" My voice was soft as we walked down the sidewalk, bags in hand, side by side.

"Yes?" He glanced down at me with that smile still on his face.

"You and Reiner are close, correct?" He nodded, an eyebrow raising. "You two were together outside the walls for a little while before coming here?" Again he nodded, the curiosity growing in his expression. "Then may I ask you something? It's rather important."

"Of course you can."

"Eren told me Reiner was bit." I noted the way his smile faded slightly and his body stiffened as we walked. "I was curious about how he acted. The difference between someone turning into a walking corpse and the difference between them taking to the Titan Gene."

I watched his jaw work, his eyes harden slightly before he glanced at me. "Those are some deep questions there Armin. Why do you ask?"

"It's important. I'll ask Reiner if you'd rather."

"I... We can both answer your questions if you're willing to answer ours. But it would be best to wait until we're alone."

I nodded in agreement.

* * *

Dinner was lovely. I hadn't cooked anything that wasn't from a can in so long I was surprised I still knew how. Everything came out rather well and there wasn't a complaint among any one. In fact, they devoured it all. There was nothing left. Which made me realize, they probably hadn't eaten a home cooked dinner in as long as I. It warmed my heart to know I could please my friends so simply. I made a note to do some more shopping and cook for them more often. Anything to make them happy and attempt to give myself some sense of normalcy.

Eren and Mikasa offered to clean up the dishes and I allowed them to do so. I sat on the couch with Bert and Reiner on either side, a cup of tea in my hands as I curled into myself comfortably. I could tell the two were a little tense all evening and I assumed it had something to do with my questioning of Bert earlier. I didn't think my questioning was the entire problem which peaked my curiosity all the more.

"So." I started, glancing up at Eren and Mikasa who were talking amongst themselves in the kitchen. "Does this count as alone?"

"I suppose so." Bert spoke softly, glancing at Reiner who nodded. "But first, we want to know Armin. Why are you so curious about it?"

"Because of Jean." I answered honestly, raising my cup to take a sip of tea.

That answer seemed to satisfy them. "What do you want to know?"

"I only want to know what happened afterwards. Was there a transformation or anything?" I glanced to Reiner to see his eyes focused on the floor.

"I got sick just like everyone else. It felt like I was changing. We thought..." He glanced at Bert who was watching him concerned. It clicked then. At that exact moment I realized what they were. A smile curled to my lips that I hid behind my cup of tea. "We thought I was a goner. Bert didn't have the heart to... Well you know. So we waited. It was before we knew about the amputation thing. I passed out not long after that. When I woke, I felt... groggy. The world was spinning and I didn't feel exactly... Human. But I was alive. Bert thought I was one of them at first, clipped my shoulder." He raised a hand to the shoulder I assumed bore the injury. "But I called out to him and that was it. We knew. Whatever happened to me, I was alive. We didn't know the truth until we came here. Eren told us all about the Titan Gene. Now we're both one of them."

I glanced between the two of them. "Both of you?"

"I chose to become one." Bert answered softly but there was something in his voice... Something that told me he did in fact _not_ choose it. Like Eren.

"And what does that mean, exactly? Eren told me a bit but he seems rather reluctant to explain what this Titan gene does."

"It... It's better if you don't know, Armin. I believe Eren is trying to protect you and we have to respect that." Bert answered for the both of them.

I hummed softly. "Alright. I can respect that." But I knew enough as it was. Things were clicking into place and that was the only puzzle piece missing. What mattered was what the gene could do. What it turned Bert, Reiner and Eren into. They seemed normal. But obviously there was something there. Something different. Something that made them... not human. And people were aware of this. Aware but oblivious at the same time. Either they did not care or they didn't want to know. Or... They weren't allowed to know. They weren't allowed to question... Of course. It's all in the military after all...

"I killed Jean." I admitted softly, startling the two on either side of me and I heard a dish clatter to the floor in the kitchen.

"What?"

"No, Armin, you-"

"I killed him." I cut Eren off who had left the kitchen far behind to drop to his knees in front of me. "I was too scared at the time to realize it. It wasn't even an option then. He turned. That was all I knew. _But he said my name_." I hissed, squeezing the cup in my hands rather tightly as I stared at the golden liquid inside that reminded me of his eyes. "Fear won and I shot him. I killed him." I glanced up, meeting Eren's hurricane of emotions. "I killed Jean, Eren. That is a fact and there is nothing I can do to... change that." My voice sounded much too calm for how I felt. My head was spinning and suddenly, my breath was impossible to find.

"Armin. Armin." Eren called my name over and over again as he reached forward, grasping my head in his hands as he peered into my face. "Listen to me. You listen to me right now. Don't start blaming yourself. Don't you dare go down that road. Because once you go down that road there is _no_ turning around, do you understand me? You did what you felt was best at the time. You did what you had to do because it was all you knew. I know that if you had the information that you have now, things would have ended differently. But you didn't know, Armin. It was impossible for you to know. So you can't go thinking these what ifs because it _will_ drive you insane." The warm hands on either of my cheeks were shaking and the hurricane of emotion in Eren's eyes brought tears to mine. "I am sorry you lost Jean. I am. But you are _here_ with me, alive because of him. Because he did what he had to do and you did what you had to do. You're alive and safe. Something I _know_ Jean would have wanted. If he loved you like I know he did, he would want you well."

My hand curled around the ring hanging from my neck as I nodded, biting into my lower lip as I lowered my head. It was impossible to think straight anymore. I was tugged to my feet, the cup taken from my hand and I was pushed into the bedroom. Eren was gentle as he sat me down and knelt to remove my boots. I watched him with a shaking body, the ring cold and sharp in my tightly clenched fist. Eren was right. I knew he was right. The logical side of my brain was _screaming_ at me to listen to him. To take what he said to heart but said heart was a crumbling mess that refused to listen to any amount of logic and reason.

I didn't fight it when Eren moved me to lay down on the bed and pulled the covers over me. He planted a soft kiss to my forehead and whispered something about returning soon before he was out the door, shutting it behind him. I curled into a ball, tucking my knees against my chest as I buried my head in the pillow. The tears that had threatened to fall now flowed freely against my will. I was breaking. I knew I was breaking. Because even if Eren was right, the fact of the matter was that I killed Jean.

I could remember him speak my name as clearly as Eren had just spoken mine. What I didn't understand was why i had pushed that from my memories. Maybe because it was impossible at the time. Even if I _had_ realized what I heard, I would have thought it was a mind trick and shot him anyway. Why... Why didn't I wait to see his face? If I had... If I had waited for him to turn around, If I had only seen his face then I...

I was lost in my pit of despair for far too long when I felt the bed dip and Eren crawled in behind me. Those arms were warm as they tugged me back against a toned chest but they weren't... Jean. Eren whispered softly in my ear, trying to calm me but his words didn't hit home. The waves of pain that crashed over my body constantly were too much to handle. It was one thing to know I had killed a zombie that had once been my lover... But to know that I... I actually...

"Armin you have to stop." Eren's voice was soft in my ear though his grip was painfully tight on my body. "Please don't do this to yourself. Please." I closed my eyes tightly, feeling warm droplets fall against my neck that told me he was now crying too. I vaguely wondered where Mikasa was but the fact that Eren was now crying made me start to crawl out of the pit. "You've slipped since you got here. I could tell. It's been a month and you... You're not the same person you were when we were growing up. I can see it. I get it. I do, you've been through hell and back but you can't... Armin you can't break. I won't let you."

"Eren." I spoke softly, shifting to try and turn over but his painfully tight grip on my body prevented me from doing so. "Eren... I... Eren, let me..." His grip loosened slightly so I could flip over to face him. I wasted no time in burying my head in his neck as I pressed against him, one hand on his hip tightly while the other grasped at his shirt. "I'm sorry. Please.. Don't leave me."

"I'm not going anywhere." His arms tightened around me. "I'm here, Armin. I'm here and Mikasa's here. We're all here for you. Bert and Reiner too. So don't leave us either. We can handle this together. I know it's not easy." He sniffed softly, pressing a soft kiss to my hair as he nuzzled against the top of my head. "But I'm here for you. Never forget that okay?" I nodded against his neck, trying to focus on his warmth and not the crumbling of my sanity.

* * *

_Jean's arm was tight around my waist as he helped me along, the pistol in his hand dangling at his side as he focused his attention in keeping me upright. The car we had found finally ran out of gas and we were lucky that the sun was still high in the sky. Making it out of the city had not been easy. We spent four nights in that car before it finally gave out. Jean went in search of gas but had no luck. Now we were stuck on foot and me with an injured leg. It wasn't looking all that bright for us._

_"There." Jean spoke suddenly and I raised my head to see him pointing at a strand of houses. We'd made it to the outskirts of some town with a few hours lined up along the road. "Come on." He was careful as he lifted me and urged me forward. I followed along beside him to the best of my ability. He raised his pistol at the ready and I raised my crossbow._

_The farther away from the city we went, the thinner the amount of zombies had become. But they were still out there. We made it up the stairs of the first house before running into one. My arrow whizzed through the air before hitting its mark. He waited for more but there was nothing. Jean let me rest against the house as he worked on getting the locked door open. An arrow whizzed through the air once more, taking down another one that whirled around the side of the house._

_Jean finally got the door open and entered with his pistol raised at the ready. I slipped in behind him, careful of my leg as I shut the door and locked it. We searched the house to find it empty of any more zombies. That was a relief. Jean let me relax on the couch as he moved to block the doors of the home. The house wasn't well stocked but it would do for a night or two._

_I flinched at the sudden crash upstairs and I was on my feet in an instant, running against the pain as I fled upstairs. I skid to a halt at Jean on the floor, covered in boxes. I blinked, dropping my crossbow to quickly help him up. He was laughing though and that eased my worry._

_"Well that was unexpected." He said with a chuckle as he tugged down the stairs of what looked to be an attic. "I saw the string and just pulled it. Those boxes tumbled down on me when I did."_

_"Are you hurt?"_

_"No, I'm fine. Stay here. I'm going to check up there." He flashed me a smile before climbing the stairs into the attic. I bit my lower lip, watching him for a moment before glancing around the hallway. He was gone not even five minutes before he was back down the steps. "We're staying here."_

_"We are?" I asked, tilting my head._

_"It's a finished attic. It's full of junk but we can get rid of that. There's only one entrance and it's hidden. It's practically perfect."_

_He had a point. I glanced up at the hole in the ceiling before glancing to him. "Alright. Let's raid the house first."_

_"Ah." Jean grabbed my arm to stop me from walking away. "No, you are going to rest on the couch and I'll raid the house." He slipped an arm around my waist and I allowed him to help me down the stairs. "You sit here." He helped me onto the couch before he released me with a grin. "Let me handle this. You got us out of that city, take a moment to rest while I do a little work."_

_I rolled my eyes at him. "I'd be dead without you."_

_"I know. I'd be dead without you." He flashed me a smile that made my heart thump before he moved into the kitchen to see what he could find._

_A new place to call home. I wasn't sure how long it would last but as long as I had Jean, I knew I would be okay. As long as we had each other, we would be just fine._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yea, I, Um. No excuse. This is going somewhere, I promise.
> 
> Happy Birthday Eren~
> 
> Please let me know what you thought!
> 
> ~Addy~


	4. The End Or The Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are. After months of work and a long series of events, we finally come to the end. I don't want to say too much before you begin so, just go on ahead. Enjoy!

The pit was overwhelming. It was deep, dark and cold. There was no climbing out on my own. Silence surrounded me and even my breath was silent. My hand clawed at the brick sides but couldn't catch a grip. Nails dug into the walls, grabbing and clutching to no avail. Skin ripped from my fingers but the pain was nothing compared to the storm within. The air was crushing. The silence deafening. And when I opened my mouth to scream for help, nothing came out. I was stuck at the bottom of my pit and there was no way out... No way at all.

_"Armin?"_ The soft familiar voice broke through the silence and I snapped my head, narrowing eyes at the little speck of light at the top of the pit. _"Armin!"_ The world began to shake and I stumbled to find my footing. _"Armin! Wake up!"_

I awoke with a start, gasping for air and sitting up so suddenly that my head knocked together with someone else's. I hissed in pain, hands going to my forehead to rub at the abused area. "Shit." I hissed softly, my heart pounding as I glanced around the room quickly. The light in my bedroom room was a soft yellow glow, telling me the sun was just starting to rise. Eren was at my side on the bed, rubbing at his abused cheek and watched me with concerned green eyes.

"Are you alright?" He asked, reaching for my forehead. He tugged my hands away to peer into my face, wincing slightly. "Ah, that might bruise. I have a hard head."

"I am aware." He smiled softly at my words, his fingertips cool against my flushed face. I just allowed him to do as he desired.

"Are you okay, though? I think you were having a nightmare." His hand slipped down my cheek, over my neck and then slipped down my back, rubbing soft circles into my tense skin.

I blinked the sleep away from my eyes, rubbing at them with my fists. "Yea, It was a nightmare. I think."

"You think?"

I just shrugged before grabbing his other arm and flopped back down, trapping one arm under me as I pulled him against me. Eren relaxed against me, using his free arm to wrap around my waist. He knocked our foreheads together gently, a faint smile on his lips as he searched my eyes.

"So, you're okay?"

I bit my lower lip. "I don't know Eren. I really don't but... I will be okay. I have you after all, don't I?" I offered with a soft smile.

He hummed, pressing forward to plant a faint kiss to the tip of my nose. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Then I'll be okay." Though really... I wasn't sure who I was trying to convince more. Him, or myself.

* * *

"Don't do anything stupid." I spoke softly, smoothing out the shoulders of Eren's tan uniform. Said male had a rather large grin on his face as I fussed over him. "I _know_ you Eren. You're reckless. And I know Mikasa has your back but sometimes you act before you think and I just-"

"Armin." He grabbed my cheeks between his hands, bringing my face up to his. "It's nice to have you worry about me. Feels like before." The grin on his face and the emotion in his beautiful eyes made my stomach sink. I used to love those eyes. Hell, I still did just not like I once had.

"I don't think Armin worrying over you like before is such a good thing Eren." Mikasa pointed out from beside us, busy with latching on her boots. "It means he thinks you haven't changed from that reckless little brat."

Eren blinked and stood up straight, pulling his face from mine but his hands remained. "Is that true?" I smiled sheepishly, only able to offer him a shrug. "Armin!" Eren gasped in faint hurt. "I'll have you know I am the best solider in the scouting legion!"

"That's a matter of opinion!" Reiner called from not too far away with a few other solider agreeing with him.

I snorted softly at the way Eren sent a glare at the blonde man and grabbed his collar to tug his attention back to me. "I know you can take care of yourself, Eren. But you made me a promise, remember? So don't be reckless. I can't afford to lose you too." I glanced at Mikasa who had a rather intimidating knowing smile on her lips that left my stomach in knots. "Or you for that matter, but I know you're not reckless."

"It's not our first trip outside the walls, Armin." Eren reminded me, stepping forward to wrap his arms around my waist, pulling me against him. We both rolled our eyes at the few whistles we received. Ever since the night I nearly broke, which was only a week ago, Eren had been more affectionate and open. The soldiers were used to it by then but that didn't mean they wouldn't tease us about it. "And I'm a Titan. Not like I die that easily."

I narrowed my eyes slightly at his words. I still knew nothing more about the Titan Gene and yes, it still bothered me. Eren refused to tell me any more. In fact, he avoided the subject all together. But that didn't mean I had given up. I was determined to get to the bottom of the Titan Gene conspiracy and when I put my mind to something, I did everything to figure it out.

"Yes, well, I don't even know what being a Titan means, Eren." I reminded him, feeling slight satisfaction at the flash of guilt on his face. "But I trust you. Just don't do anything stupid."

"Yes, sir." His lips curled into a playful smirk as he planted a sloppy kiss to my cheek.

"I'm glad you're here to kick his ass into gear too, Armin. He actually listens to you. He tends to ignore me." Mikasa said with a soft smile that made Eren roll his eyes.

My raven haired best friend opened his mouth to speak but there was a whistle that caught their attention. They stood to attention and with a glance to me they both ran off into formation. I watched them for a moment, glancing over the soldiers that lined up before giving them soft wave which they returned with soft smiles before I left the courtyard.

I did trust the two of them would be just fine but I still worried. They were my family after all. But I had faith in their abilities even if I didn't know the full extent of what Eren could do. I made my way into one of the many military buildings, past soldiers who didn't bother to stop me and slipped into a door with red letters that spelled out "Restricted Access". I started my way up the many flights of stairs that lead to the top of the wall. It was something I discovered not long ago and I planned on watching the Scouting Legion leave for the outside world.

The trek up the many flights of stairs was tiring and took a little longer than I expected but I made it to the top floor where I stepped out onto the roof after pushing through a door. The air was cooler, the wind a little rougher but the view was breathtaking. I focused on the spread of land and moved forward to the edge of the wall. My hands grasped the bar of the fence at the edge of the wall as I peered out.

The land hadn't changed. Not since I last saw it. The sky was just as blue as it was inside the walls but the land... It was wild. I could see multiple roads, covered in abandoned cars and I could even see a few neighborhoods. The height left little detail to be seen but it was enough.

"Do I even want to know what you're doing up here?"

I flinched at the slightly familiar voice and glanced at the gruff blonde male at my side. Mike. I treated a bullet wound of his not long ago. I stood up straight, removing my hands from the fence to turn toward him. "Depends. Am I in trouble?"

The male raised an eyebrow, his nose crinkling slightly like he was sniffing the air. "You're really not supposed to be up here, Doc."

"What harm am I?" I asked with a shrug turning my attention back out over the wall. "I just want to watch the scouting legion leave."

"How'd you even get up here?"

"The door."

"It's supposed to be locked."

I glanced at him, an innocent smile on my face. "It wasn't." Oh it had been. But I had enough skills to not worry about locked doors.

The look on Mike's face proved he knew I wasn't telling the truth. But he didn't push it. "Alright. Come on then. They've already left but you can still see them." He stepped up beside me and leaned over the fence, scanning his eyes over the vast amount of land. "There." He pointed and I followed his line of vision.

The trucks and tanks were the easiest to spot at first until I noticed _them_. My blood ran cold and my breath caught in my throat. Walking on either side of road, beside the trucks and the tanks and the foot soldiers were... Well, they looked human. But they were a little larger. Taller. A lot taller. Probably the height of three people but with the distance it was hard to tell just how tall they were. There were four of them. Two on either side and each one was different from the other. I couldn't pick up any detail from so far away but I knew one thing. Those were the Titans. One of them, was Eren.

"So, That's what they are. They really are Titans." I whispered softly, my eyes narrowing in an attempt to pick up any detail I could. But they were far away and I was too high. Plus they were moving away and at quite the fast pace.

"Never seen one before?" Mike asked, leaning against the fence as he stared out over the vast land. "They're pretty intimidating up close."

"Do you always work the wall?" I asked, tearing my eyes away from the disappearing legion to meet those of the blonde.

He shrugged. "It's my job."

"Think you could let me know when they return?"

"Sure thing, Doc."

I pushed away from the fence to return back down to the ground before I paused. "Mike?"

"Yeah, Doc?"

"Do you... know anything? About the Titans?"

"I'm just a wall solider. They don't tell me much."

I nodded. "Alright. Thank you. See you around."

"Later, Doc."

* * *

"Krista, You've been in these walls a while, correct?" I asked, glancing up from the book in my hands.

The lovely little blonde paused in stacking folders to turn and look at me with curious eyes. "Yes I have. Since they were built, I've lived my life within them."

"Have you seen the outside?"

She shook her head, the strands of blonde hair that were not pulled back into a ponytail flowing with her. "I consider myself quite lucky."

"You should." I chewed on my bottom lip for a moment, searching her lovely eyes before deciding to continue with my questioning. "What do you know about the Titan Gene?"

Her face was flawless. She didn't even flinch. But the small flash of panic in her eyes was answer enough. She knew something. Though I wasn't sure how easy it would be to get out of her. "I..." She averted her eyes to the ground and returned to organizing the folders. "Why do you ask, Armin?"

"Well, My best friend is one and he refuses to tell me anything more about it. And I have a feeling my former lover turned into one as well." I answered honestly, resting my chin on my palm as I watched her. Krista was a sweet girl. Sweet but with a hidden bite. I knew where to push with her and where not to. She wasn't easy to read most of the time but for some reason she was open with her expressions this time.

"Your lover?" She gasped softly, turning away from the shelf where she was organizing folders to face me fully. Her crystal eyes were wide, her face the perfect example of shock though I wasn't quite sure what she was shocked about. The lover part or the Titan part. But with Krista, as I had learned, It was best to be honest. She could tell when someone was lying.

I reached into the neck of my shirt and pulled out the chain holding the ring that meant everything to me. I dangled it for her to see and noticed the way her eyes sharpened in pain. "He and I went through a lot. I thought we'd survive this together." The normal surge of pain didn't well up at the mention of Jean but there was still the dull numbing ache in my chest that was always there. "But he was bitten. At the time, I thought he had turned into one of those... monsters. But now, looking back, I believe he didn't. I think he turned into a Titan."

Krista was across the room in a flash, her hands gripping the edge of my desk as she leaned over it to peer into my face. "Why? Why do you think that?"

"He said my name." I narrowed my eyes at the unreadable expression on her face. Her knuckles turned white at her grip on my desk and the way she worked her jaw proved to me that she did in fact know more than one would expect.

"I..." She glanced around the room before flying to the door where she locked the two bolts before returning to me. She settled her lithe frame on the edge of my desk beside me, her hands folded in her lap and her eyes on the floor. "Armin. What I am about to tell you... You can't tell anyone, okay?" Those crystal orbs met mine and the sheer look of despair in them made me nod my head. She knew my pain. She knew my pain on a level no one else around me did. I knew that look. I saw it everyday when I looked in the mirror. More so than Erwin, more so than Eren or Mikasa... Krista lost a lover too.

"I promise."

Her shoulders relaxed at my softly spoken words while her hands worked together anxiously in her lap. "I came to Trost immediately after the outbreak. My father demanded it of me. I saw no reason not to. My friend... My girlfriend; she came with us. She was strong, you know?" Her lips quirked up into a soft smile. "She would have done anything to protect me even if she didn't have to... But back then... Those who were strong like her... With strong wills and passion... They were forced." She closed her eyes in pain. "No one had a choice back then. The world was falling apart and the military needed their Titans to fight back. Ymir was one of them. She wasn't even a soldier..." She shook her head as she sighed softly. "Ymir took to the gene. She became their little fighting machine like all the others. But something was different... Something was _wrong_."

Krista swallowed hard and finally met my eyes. "She wouldn't tell me. She told me it was dangerous for me to know more than I already did. It... wasn't long after that when she left."

I tilted my head slightly, narrowing my eyes. "She left?"

She nodded, biting her lip as her arms moved to hug her torso. "She left on a scouting trip and never returned. Documents state she was killed in action but I know that's a lie. Titan's are invincible. She wasn't killed. She ran away."

"She left you?"

Krista closed her eyes tightly. "She left for a reason. Ymir wouldn't have just left me behind without a reason. She knew it wasn't safe out there for me but I strongly believe she had a plan when she left. A plan that has yet to come full circle."

"But you still feel abandoned." I pointed out.

"Yes... Yes I do." Her fingers curled tightly over her arms as she hung her head.

I got to my feet effortlessly and wrapped my arms around the shaking woman I'd come to know. Krista relaxed in my embrace, knocking her forehead against my shoulder as she leaned against me. "I am sorry, Krista. I know it's not easy."

"How do you do it?" She whispered softly.

"The same way you do." I pointed out. "I have times when I break and now I have Eren there for me. He's the only one I let see."

"Sasha." She whispered softly. "Sasha's the only one."

I nodded, petting her hair softly for a moment before releasing her. Neither one of us wanted to get too deep into those things at the moment. So I returned my seat and Krista looked a little better off. "May I ask you one more thing?" She nodded, tilting her head in curiosity. "You said Titans are invincible. What did you mean by that?"

"I meant exactly as I said. So far the military hasn't found anything that can kill them. If they're ripped apart, they grow new limbs." My eyes widened at her words. "If they're bitten or stabbed, the wound heals itself."

"And bullets? What about bullets?" I was on my feet again, my throat dry and my hands clenched tightly at my sides.

Krista leaned back slightly, eyeing me in confusion. "Depending where they're shot, it takes a little longer to recover. Like Annie. She was shot in the head because the people she was with thought she turned into a zombie. She was knocked out cold for a while but she woke up alive and well. Titans are bulletproof."

And then my body wavered. I stumbled backwards till I was back in my chair, my chest tight and my throat on fire. "Bulletproof..." I whispered, my hands digging in my hair as I crumbled over. "He's alive... He's alive..."

Krista gasped softly, dropping to her knees at my side and grasped my wrists to try to meet my eyes. "Armin! Did you shoot him? In the head? Are you sure? Are you sure he turned Titan?" I could only nod numbly. "Then... If he did take to the Titan gene... He's alive, Armin. There's a strong possibility that he is."

And for the first time in over a year, there was a glimmer of hope in the distance.

* * *

Being at the gates to greet Eren and Mikasa when they returned was a blessing. Mike had informed me as soon as he saw them in the distance and I arrived just as they were shuffling through the gates. But something was wrong. Very wrong. There were less than there had been when they left and those who were left were badly wounded. I didn't have time to even greet my two friends. Responsibility kicked in and I was scurrying about with Krista and even Hanji, taking notes and seeing who needed what and how fast. Who could wait and who couldn't. I didn't have time to ask what had happened. I could only move and hope that no one lost their lives under my watch.

"Armin!" I snapped my head at the familiar voice of my best friend. I excused myself from the wounded soldier I was evaluating and turned to find my best friend. He was covered in blood and that made me pause. I was in front of him in an instant, quickly checking him for wounds of any kind. But he wouldn't let me. He grabbed my wrists to stop me, his face dirty and scrunched up in pain. Tears welled in his eyes and it suddenly dawned on me that... Mikasa wasn't with him.

"Where... Where is she?" My voice was hollow, like someone else had spoken for me.

"Armin! We need you, now." Krista was at my side all of a sudden but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the utter devastation in Eren's eyes. "Please, Armin. Hanji and I don't know what to do." She tugged on my sleeve to gain my attention but I couldn't look away from Eren.

"Mikasa..." I mumbled softly.

"Yes, exactly." Krista rushed on. "If you don't hurry, she might not make it. Come on, Armin."

I snapped out of my daze. She was alive? Mikasa was alive. I glanced at Eren who nodded and I moved quickly to follow Krista. Eren was at my heels but all I could focus on was Mikasa. I wasn't going to lose her. No way in hell was I going to lose her too. The walls were a blur was we ran and all I could focus on was Mikasa.

"She's lost a lot of blood." Krista hurried on as we came to a stop in front of a closed-door. "We wanted to put her on an IV but... She won't let us touch her . She wants you." She opened the door and hurried inside with Eren and I on her heels. "Mikasa. I brought him."

"Why didn't you get me sooner?" I snapped softly, knowing Krista wouldn't take it personally as I hurried across the small room to my best friend. Mikasa was sitting up in the hospital bed, her shirt removed so her wound was visible. Her breasts were covered in bandages but the rest of her torso was bare. There was so much blood... So much. "What the hell happened?" I asked, gathering towels to start cleaning up the blood around the wound on her neck. She didn't even flinch or speak and refused to raise her eyes from the floor. "Set up an IV. Don't fight this Mikasa. We're trying to help you."

"You can't." Eren whispered softly from somewhere behind me. I heard a thump and knew he collapsed against a wall. "You can't help her."

"Just be quiet Eren." I whispered softly, focusing on the wound at hand but there was so much blood and it wasn't stopping... I pushed a wad of towel against her neck, holding it there as I turned to Krista. She was already setting up the IV but had paused for a reason I didn't understand. What was I missing? I glanced around the room to see Eren had collapsed against the wall and was now on the floor, his head in his hands and his body shaking. Then I shifted my eyes to Mikasa. Her face was stone but her body shook. The color in her skin was gone from lack of blood and...

"No." I whispered softly, tugging the towel away to see what I was so desperate not to see. "No. No. No. How? How did this happen?" My voice took on a deeper tone; a demanding one. "How did this happen?!"

"We met a horde." Mikasa's voice was even and soft. "So large we couldn't even see where it ended. We had no chance... None at all. Four titans were no match against that many. It was an army. And army of the dead. It was chaos. I don't even remember how it happened. I just remember the blinding pain and then waking up here."

My throat was tight, my stomach long past the floor and my hands stopped moving. Hell, I wasn't even sure I was still breathing. Mikasa had been bitten. The skin on her shoulder was ripped away leaving muscle and even a peek of bone. The wound was bad but treatable. The wound wouldn't kill her. The venom however... I ground my teeth together and tossed the towel away over my shoulder. I snatched up the roll of bandages at my side and grabbed her arm gently, lifting it so I could start wrapping her wound.

"Krista." The blonde flinched at my voice. "Set up the IV. She needs blood or she'll die from blood loss."

"But-"

"Krista." I shifted my soft glare on her and that was enough for her. She quickly went to work and Mikasa didn't fight it when Krista took her arm to feel around for a vein.

"What are you doing?" Eren whispered softly, so close that he made my skin crawl. I hadn't heard him approach but I didn't push him away as he leaned over me, watching as I wrapped Mikasa's wound.

"The only thing I can do. I can make her comfortable." Those dark onyx eyes were on me for the first time since I entered the room. I gave her a soft smile, pushing down the urge to cry. I had a job to do. I had to treat her like any other patient. Because if I didn't, I would lose it and I couldn't afford to do that. "You really shouldn't be here, Eren." I pointed out, glancing at him over my shoulder. "But I don't have the heart to make you leave."

"They're family." Krista spoke softly, giving Mikasa a soft smile as she stuck the IV needle in her arm.

"Exactly." I said with a nod. "We all are." My throat was tight with my words so I focused on tending to her wound while Krista set her up with a blood infusion and Eren hovered over my shoulder.

* * *

"What do we do?" Eren's voice was soft and cracked, his breath warm as it brushed over the chilled skin of my neck. It was the first time anyone had spoken since Mikasa fell asleep hours ago.

"We wait." I mumbled back, shifting in his hold to lean my head back against his shoulder.

"And then what?" His arms tightened around my waist because he already knew the answer to his question.

"And then we handle it appropriately."

"She's not... She won't... Armin, I can't do it." His voice cracked, his face pressed into my neck and I could feel the warmth of his tears against my exposed skin.

"I know. I will." The crossbow resting in my lap was heavy, the wood hard under my fingertips and the weight of reality settled hard in the pit of my stomach.

"You can't..."

"I've done it before."

"And that's why... Armin, you can't." His arms squeezed me tightly, bringing me closer between his spread legs. "I can't lose more of you too."

I took a deep breath, not even alarmed at how calm I felt though I should have been. "I'm not going anywhere, Eren. Someone has to do this and I refuse to allow you to or for some random solider to do it. I know Mikasa wouldn't want me to either but what choice do I have? I can do this. I've done it before."

"And it broke you." He pointed out, his voice huskier and his tone dark. "This isn't different and you know that."

"I was alone then. I'm not alone this time."

A soft knock at the door knocked us out of our personal bubble. Right, there were other people in the world. I carefully slipped out of Eren's grasp and got to my feet, letting my crossbow hang at my side in one hand while I moved to the door. I took a deep breath before prying it open, squinting at the bright light that entered from the well lit hallway.

"Armin." I heard Erwin before his face came into focus. The older male looked worse for wear. It was obvious the attack of the horde took it's toll on the male. His eyes were glazed over slightly, his mouth a thin line and his posture just a little more tense than normal. "I just heard."

I glanced up at him with narrowed eyes, noting the way he eyed my crossbow. "You know, for a commanding officer, you're really involved in the lives of your soldiers."

"I'm involved in _your_ life." He corrected, the corners of his lips turning down. "I am truly sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"It is. She is under my command. What happens to her reflects back on me."

I let out a soft sigh. If the man wanted to blame himself, fine. I didn't have the energy to convince him otherwise. "You couldn't have predicted a horde of that size."

"You told me about them once. We should have been more cautious. I lost a lot of men today."

"Then maybe you should stop going outside the walls." I glanced around the hallway, noticing Levi leaning against a wall not too far away. I was honestly glad to see him still alive and well.

"Not my decision to make. I need to talk to you when you have the time." He glanced behind me into the darkened room. "It can only wait so long."

"Fine. I'll come to your office after Mikasa is taken care of." The way Erwin's lips twisted should have told me there was something wrong with my words. But I was far too gone to realize it.

"Armin-"

"Armin!" Eren's panicked voice had me moving quickly. I shoved the door open, raised my crossbow with both hands and entered the room, aiming at the moving girl on the bed. Eren was on his feet, pressed back against the wall like he was doing his damnest to push through it.

Mikasa moved in the bed, her limbs twisting slightly as she came back to conciousness. One of two things was about to happen. She was either going to sit up, alive and well or... I grit my teeth, brought my crossbow up to line up the shot better and waited. I could feel Erwin's presence behind me and Levi behind him. It was dangerous. I knew that much. I wanted to grab Eren and tug him out of the room. He didn't deserve to see it. I didn't want him to see it. But I had no choice. It was too late now. She was sitting up.

Mikasa's head rolled from side to side and she groaned softly as she sat up. My breath caught in my throat, my finger poised over the trigger. I was silently begging for her to speak. For her to open her eyes and mouth and be fine. But I had no such luck. Those once beautiful onyx eyes opened to show yellowed whites, covering in a milky white film. Her mouth parted, her jaw unlocking and the snarl that came from her lips was no longer human.

Eren's shout shook me to the core but the echoing _thump_ of my arrow hitting home left me more numb than anything. I did what I had to do. She couldn't live like that. I wouldn't let her. But when Mikasa fell, so did the rest of my resolve.

* * *

I paused outside the door, chewing on my lower lip with my hand raised to knock. My fist shook as it hovered in the air so I grabbed it with my other hand, trying to steady it. My body convulsed on its own, threatening to collapse again. But I wouldn't allow it. I didn't have time to mourn properly. Erwin demanded me to his office as soon as possible and I knew it was important. But it was nearly impossible for me to pry myself from Eren's side. So with a heavy heart, I took a deep breath and knocked on the door softly.

"Enter." The gruff voice of the commander made me swallow hard as I pushed open the door and entered his office. Erwin was sitting at his desk, paperwork in hand as I closed the door behind me softly. I noticed how tense he seemed and noted the dark circles under his eyes. He was even worse than I last saw him. When those crystal eyes raised to meet mine I noted with the pain within them that was quickly concealed behind his commanding officer mask but it was too late. I had seen it.

"This better be important, Erwin." I mumbled, moving to sit in the chair opposite his desk. "I don't want to leave Eren alone too long. Krista's watching over him but I need to be with him."

"I am aware." He shifted, stuffing his paperwork away. I narrowed my eyes at the authoritative tone and posture he was giving off. "This won't take long."

"Well what is it? What's so important that you had to pull me away from my best friend who just lost his sister?"

"The horde is heading this way." Straight to the point as always.

I sat back in my chair like he slapped me. "Pardon?"

"The horde we encountered is heading in this direction. That is why we fought so hard. We couldn't allow it to continue on. But we were not prepared. We had to fall back. We are preparing for war now, Armin. That many could take down a wall given the chance. We can not allow that to happen."

I took a deep breath to calm my racing heart to no avail. "Okay. All hands on deck I assume? You need me to fight."

"You're a skilled shooter. I'd like you on the wall. Do you think you can handle sniping?"

"I don't know how much help I will be, but I'll do my best."

"There's another thing." Erwin's shoulders slumped slightly and he glancing away to the window. "This is no ordinary horde."

"What do you mean?"

"They're being led."

My blood ran cold. "Led? By whom?"

"Titans."

_Jean_. No, It couldn't be him. "Titans? You mean, real Titans? Like Eren, Bert, and Reiner?"

"Yes. They are the reason we had such a problem along with the sheer amount of undead."

"How the hell are we supposed to fight Titans?" I asked, leaning forward in my seat. "They're invincible."

"Burn them. If you burn them, without giving them the chance to regenerate, they will die."

"That sounds like a lot of work."

"We have that part under control. We just need to keep the undead at bay so we could take care of the Titans."

I narrowed my eyes sightly. "Wait a minute. These are people. Intelligent people who probably have a reason for what they are doing. You can't just _kill_ them without knowing what is going on. They could know things that may be helpful. Erwin, they're probably just scared! Just people who were bitten and turned into these creatures without knowing what is going on! You can't just kill them!" I was on my feet suddenly, my throat a tight burning mess.

"I'm sorry, Armin. But these are my orders."

"Orders? Orders?! You've got to be fucking kidding me! These are innocent people, Erwin!"

The male's eyes narrowed at my words. "I am aware of that Armin but I am under orders. There is nothing _I_ can do. But if, perhaps, someone who was not in the military chose to take this into their own hands, there is nothing I could do about that." Oh. _Oh_. I swallowed hard, straightening up as I eyed the other man. "So I can count on you being on the wall?"

"Yes."

We shared a nod of understanding. "One more thing, Armin." I nodded for him to continue on. "I recommend you reframe from asking more questions about the Titans." I blinked in slight surprise. "Information like that is dangerous in the hands of someone like you, so the military understands."

I narrowed my eyes slightly. "Is that... Are you threatening me, Erwin?"

The brief look of shock in his eyes gave me little relief. "It's a warning, Armin."

"I'll take that in mind. Though, you realize this just makes me more curious. Both you and Hanji have _warned_ me."

Erwin's face turned to stone. "Be careful, Armin. I recommend you to never be alone."

"Yes, sir. Is that all?"

"You may go."

* * *

The room was silent in the darkness and I could barely hear Eren's soft breathing. I knew he was awake but his even breathing would lead me to think otherwise. His arms were tight around my body and every so often he would shake with a sob that broke my heart just a bit more. I could feel it cracking. With each spilt came more pain that was soon pushed away to be replaced with a numbness I couldn't fight. Losing Jean was one thing. Losing Mikasa...

I'd just gotten her back. I'd finally found someone I thought I had lost forever only to have her ripped from my grasp once again. Mikasa was strong. She always had been. I never thought something like that would happen to her. She was capable of taking care of herself but when the world was nothing but chaos... Accidents happened. Neither Eren or I expected it, however, so it was devastating.

Mikasa was his sister. Adopted but the two grew up together from the time they were seven. After the death of Eren's mother, the two became closer than ever. But they never let me feel out-of-place between them. The three of us belonged together but now... There were only two left and we felt... We felt lost. A piece was missing that would never be filled.

Eren's body convulsed with a silent sob that knocked me from my gloomy thoughts. I bit my abused lower lip, rubbing my hands over his bare back in a comforting motion. It didn't seem to help much and only made him press closer, his face pressing against my neck where warm tears had made a home.

"I know, Eren, I know." I whispered softly, speaking for the first time since we laid down together. "I wish you hadn't seen her like that..."

He shook slightly, his fingers curling against my back, tugging at the oversized shirt I wore. "She didn't... deserve that." The heartbreak in his voice made me pull him closer.

"I know... Believe me, Eren, I know. But you can't think about her like that. You have to push that from your mind, otherwise, it'll drive you insane." I whispered softly. "That wasn't Mikasa. You have to remember who she was not what she became. Remember the good otherwise, the bad will kill you. Trust me... I know."

Eren whined softly. "I don't... I can't lose you too..."

"I'm not going anywhere, Eren."

"Mikasa... said the same..."

I chewed on my already abused lower lip and nuzzled against his raven hair. "I... There's nothing I can say, Eren. Not really." My throat tightened painfully as I let the tears fall freely from my tightly closed eyes. "No words I can say to comfort you. But I... I'm here, okay? I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. Please believe that. Please trust that. Don't leave me because you're not alone. Please."

"I love you, Armin." He mumbled softly.

My breath caught slightly as I pressed even closer to him, closing my eyes tightly as the pain overtook my body. "I-I love you too, Eren."

* * *

"I don't like this, Armin. I don't fucking like it at all." Eren grumbled softly from my side as he tightened the straps around my waist and thighs.

"We only have a few days, Eren. If that. That horde is coming and we have to protect that walls." I rationalized with him, biting my lip when he gave a hard tug. "I'm a sharpshooter and I do well under pressure. Erwin needs me and I'm more than happy to help."

"You stick by me, you understand?" He stood up straight and grabbed my face between his hands, pressing his forehead to mine. The bags under his eyes and the lack of color in his face concerned me but I knew it was mainly from lack of sleep and a lot of crying. Eren didn't handle Mikasa's death well, as was expected. But he was still doing his best as a solider. He was doing what Mikasa would want of him. We both knew that.

"I'll be on the wall, Eren. That's why I need these." I motioned to the many leather straps around my hips, waist, and thighs. "I need to learn how to fly."

He chewed on his bottom lip, his eyes a swirling hurricane of emotion. "I don't like this."

"I'll be up high, Eren. Away from the main chaos, picking them off one by one. You'll be down on the ground, in the mist of battle. I'm safer on the wall."

"You're safer by my side."

I brought my hands up to grasp either one of his wrists. "You have to let me do this, Eren. Mike will teach me everything I need to know about this gear. I have to be of help."

Eren glanced to the side, his eyes searching for any eavesdropping ears before he pressed closer, moving his lips to my ear as he dropped his hands to my waist. "What are you really planning? I don't like you lying to me."

"I'm going to do what I have to do, alright?"

I could feel his jaw working against my cheek. "If things get too bad, come find me."

"I will. I promise."

That seemed to satisfy my emotional best friend. He let me leave with Mike so the male could teach me all I needed to know about the strange gear that helped solders climb the wall quickly and effortlessly. I didn't have long to master it but luckily, I was a fast learner.

* * *

The horde was coming from the north which meant it would come right to the front gates where the scouting legion was stationed. Of all parts of the wall, the main gate was the weakest. Whoever was leading the zombies knew what they were doing. I couldn't help but think of Ymir and I knew Krista felt the same. She would be stationed on the wall with me though she wasn't a shooter. She was there to provide ammo and anything else we may need. She was a runner but she still had to learn the gear like I had to. And that gas-powered gear was no cake walk.

It was early morning when the siren rang. Eren and I were in bed but neither of us were sleeping. We were up as soon as the siren sound. I managed to strap myself into the gear on my own and I was ready by the time Eren was. We left the apartment we called home and rushed to the base along with hundreds of other soldiers. Every available human had been called into duty. Even regular citizens. It was for the wall after all.

It was still dark outside which meant it would be harder to take them on. I assumed whoever was leading the zombies had planned that. Everything happened so fast. I didn't feel ready. I only had a day of prep work. The army arrived sooner than expected. It was only two days ago that Mikasa...

Eren and I split at the bottom of the wall. He gave me a tight hug, reminded me of my promise and then he was gone, blending in with the rest of the soldiers. I met Krista at the top of the wall, along with many others. No one wasted time in taking their place. I could only give the blonde a nod of acknowledgement before I moved to my station. There was five feet between each shooter and the entire east wall was lined with us. The best shooters were on the wall with me. Erwin claimed it was one of the most important positions so he needed his best shooters on the wall. That included Reiner. Even though he was a Titan, for some reason Erwin felt he was better suited on the wall. He was to my left while Mike was to my right.

As I raised the scope to my eye, I was given a moment of peace. The night air was cool, the world was quiet and I was able to take a moment to think. The past two days of my life went by in a flash. I never had a moment to just still and think about everything that was going on. There was too much to take in. I had a plan. A plan I prayed would work before Erwin could get to the Titans. He had his orders. I had mine. It was all I could focus on.

"There." Reiner's voice was soft but carried over the air with the wind, gaining my attention. He was positioned on his stomach like I, his gun aimed and ready. I glanced down the wall, noting the crowd of soldiers and the three Titans. One I knew to be Eren. He was easy to spot this time. He was taller and naked but it was him. Longer hair, sharper features, but still my best friend. I could see his head bent backwards, his oddly large eyes scanning over the wall, searching for me. I couldn't tell if he could really see us from this height but I liked to think he could. The other two Titans were easy to distinguish. The tallest one was Bert and the feminine one was Annie. A woman I had yet to meet.

I glanced up past the crowd of soldiers to take in what was coming. I closed one eye and peeked through the scope, shifting the gun ever so slightly to see what Reiner was referring to. My breath caught in my throat and for a moment, I was struck still with fear. The same fear I felt many months ago in the floor of that little car. But this time around... There was more. So many more. They were impossible to miss. It was a sea. A sea of zombies that spread so far that I couldn't even see an end of it from the height we were at. And then, leading that sea was a line of Titans. _A line_. I counted at least ten but there was many more than that. There was no way in hell we could fight that.

"We're doomed." I stated.

Reiner glanced at me, his expression just as grim as I felt. "It's not over till it's over." Mike spoke from my other side, his attention still on his scope.

I had to stop it. We had no chance against them. None. But those Titans were people. People with rational thought. I didn't know enough about the Titans but I knew Eren had control over himself when he went Titan. So these people must have control as well. Maybe they were just scared. Perhaps they didn't understand. If only someone could just... talk to them. Figure it all out without violence...

"They're changing!" Krista's shout made me flinch and I glanced through my scope to see that the Titans were, in fact, changing back to human. I scanned my scope over them, unable to make out faces now that they had shrunk. They were still a bit too far away.

"Reiss! What the hell are you doing?!"

I snapped my head in time to see Krista launch herself off the wall. I scrambled to my feet but the sound of gas and metal gave me a sense of relief. She made her way down the wall with the help of her gear and then she was off, sprinting away from the crow of soldiers and toward the army of undead.

"What the hell is she thinking?" Mike grumbled, adjusting his gun to follow her.

Ymir. She must have seen Ymir. "Fuck." I was on my feet instantly, grabbing the crossbow at my side to toss it over my shoulder, tugging the strap into place.

"Armin. Don't be stupid." Reiner warned me.

"She's under my care. I'm not letting her run out on her own like that." I gave Reiner a salute before I jumped from the wall myself. The rush of falling made my stomach sink but I pulled the triggers around my wrists at the right time to catch myself. People were shouting but I ignored them as I soared over the heads of the soldiers waiting to be slaughtered. I landed unsteadily on Eren's shoulder, surprising the Titan. I'd never seen him up close but I didn't have time to gawk. "Krista. Ymir. Something's wrong."

Eren seemed to understand well enough as I grasped onto his long hair to steady myself on his shoulder. His strange mouth opened like he was speaking but instead he let out a rather strange grumble. A large hand pressed me to the side of his neck and I held on as he jumped over the tank in front of him and then took off running. We caught up to Krista easily enough and Eren swooped a hand down to capture the girl. She screamed in surprise before she was placed on Eren's other shoulder. She glanced between Eren and I before she seemed to come to an understanding.

Eren continued on down the road toward the army that was no visible. I tensed, grabbing the crossbow from my back and raised it, making sure it was loaded and ready to strike. I didn't have a chance to stop Krista when she jumped down from Eren's shoulder and took off toward the group of humans leading the undead. I cursed softly, thinking the girl had a death wish but when she was lost in the arms of some dark-skinned woman, the army stopped moving.

"Shit." I slipped down Eren's body and took off after the blonde. "Krista! You can't just run off like that. You..." I came to a stop at the group of people not far away. I was frozen to the spot. My words had been like a snap of fingers. The army moved. It moved like the sea that it was. It moved around the group of people, enveloping them and I had no choice but to move back to Eren. He snatched me up from the ground before I even had a chance to move and before I realized what was going on, we were running back to the wall.

Eren ran past the tanks and soldiers now on the move. The war had begun and I didn't even have a chance to stop it. The zombies moved like the human titans didn't matter. They moved around them and continued on toward the wall. It was... terrifying. Eren grabbed me and placed me on the ground by the wall where I stumbled on my feet. He gave me a look that said stay put and then he was gone, off to help the battle.

I took a deep breath, my heart racing. I didn't have to worry about Eren. I knew that now. But I wasn't safe. I was on the ground with a sea of zombies running in my direction.

"You must have a death wish, Armin." I flinched when Reiner landed beside me, gun in hand.

"What are you doing?"

"I have your back." He flashed me a grin as he shrugged. "You've got balls, I'll give you that."

"You don't have to look after me, Reiner. I know you've been ordered to."

His grin faltered slightly. "I don't know what you're talking about."

I rolled my eyes at him and turned my back to him, pressing against his side as I raised my crossbow. "You can't die here, Reiner. I can. So you better have my back."

"Armin!" I snapped my head, glancing around frantically at the painfully familiar voice.

"What? Where did that come from?"

"I am really sorry, Armin."

I glanced at Reiner who had a saddened look on his face. "What are you-"

"Armin!" I snapped my head to the side, my eyes wide at the man who was sprinting passed soldiers, pushing them out of his way and covered in blood. He'd been shot. A few times. But he was still moving and those eyes... Oh god those golden eyes.

"J-Jean?"

"Forgive me." I froze at the feel of cold metal at the back of my head. "I don't... Orders are orders. You know too much, Armin. Way too much."

My eyes welled with tears, the vision of the man I never thought I'd see again blurring. "Oh god no. Jean... Reiner please." My hand clamped around the ring hanging from my neck tightly while the crossbow slipped from my hand to clatter to the ground.

"Armin!" The panic in Jean's voice struck me cold and I closed my eyes tightly.

"Forgive me."

There was a flash of white and then black... nothingness.

* * *

"Armin!"

I awoke with a gasp, one hand clutching at my head while the other clutched to my chest. My heart raced in my chest, my body shook, covered in a cold sweat that shook me to the bone. My throat felt raw and my eyes stung. My breath came in heavy pants and my legs felt pinned.

"Armin, Shh, it's okay." The soft familiar voice soothed me along with the strong warm arms that wrapped around my body tightly. "It was just a nightmare. You're okay. You're alright." I pressed into that familiar chest, sucking in deep breaths of air as I tried to calm my body. "I'm here. It's okay."

I pulled back, prying my eyes open to greet the familiar golden hue of the man I loved. "Jean..."

His lips quirked into a soft smile as he pressed his forehead to mine. "You gotta stop these night terrors, Armin. You're starting to scare me."

"But you... We... I..."

"It was just a dream, Armin." He pressed a warm hand to my cool cheek before those lips were on mine. "You're okay. You're here, with me, where you belong." His hand slipped down my cheeks, over my shoulder, down my arm and grasped my hand, running fingers over the beautiful ring on my left ring finger. "I swear you could write a book with the nightmares you have."

And then reality came flooding back. Right, Right, It was all just a dream. The world was fine. Well as fine as it could be without zombies. Jean was alive and well and we... Of course. It was just a dream. This happened all the time. I awoke from my nightmare to Jean. He was always here because... He loved me. I just had really... vivid dreams.

"I'm sorry for worrying you." I pressed closer to him, nuzzling into his neck where I pressed a soft kiss.

"Shh, it's okay." His hand squeezed mine while the other rubbed over my back. "You're safe now."

I hummed softly, pressing against his warmth. I was safe. I was with Jean. It had all been a dream. Just a very vivid dream... Right? It didn't matter. I wasn't going to question it. I had Jean. I had Jean and we were both alive and well in a safe world. Nothing else mattered. Nothing at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But was it? Was it just a dream? Armin may never know.
> 
> Thank you to every single person who took the time to follow this series from the beginning. I know it was long and a series of heartbreak but I like to think it ended well. I appreciate every comment, kudo, and review. Be it on fanfiction of AO3, every single one of you has meant so much to me. So thank you. So much.
> 
> This is not the last you shall hear from me. I have other things in the works and I hope to finish BBO as a better Jearmin fic than this one.
> 
> Thank you again. I love you guys! Take care!
> 
> ~Addy~


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